July 6, 2005

Okay, now that all the formalities are out of the way let's get down to the real shiznit. Life has been sucking a bit lately. I'm feeling stuck and I know that it's time for me to make some changes but I'm so petrified of change that I allow myself to remain a deer in the headlights, frozen in place. I work from home doing tech support for a religious software product, which is completely laughable since I am agnostic and could care less about all that mumbo jumbo. I wholeheartedly respect other's rights to believe in whatever they choose, but that shit's just not for me. I go along with it though, cause that's my job and I believe in doing my job well. So what if I have to humor a bunch of ultimately really nice people along with few religious fanatics, what's that gonna hurt? Anyway, it's a cushy job that allows me ample time to spend with my daughter along with tons of free time, especially when she's in school. I really like the freedom of it but I'm completely unfulfilled with it and I'm more and more getting the feeling that I should be doing more. Possibly having to do with my weight loss, like teaching and supporting others in their own attempts. Maybe some kind of public speaking gig, who knows. Whatever I end up doing though it has to be able to support us since I couldn't possibly just quit my current job and give up the pay. I want to find a way to share with people that weight loss doesn't have to be about some plan or surgery. Although I respect other people's decisions to follow popular plans or have surgery (to each his own) I just know that it wasn't the right choice for me and I imagine countless others feel the same way. So I guess I just want to let them know that it really can be done. I dunno, maybe that's why I'm doing this now. I've been itching to share my story and this seems like a good outlet until I can figure out what I want to be when I grow up! Well, I guess that's enough blabbing for now. I'm sure I'll get more into my history and journey another time, I just felt the need to write about a whole buncha nothin for right now.