Wednesday, July 06, 2005


Hi, my name is Beverly and I'm addicted to food. It's a passion for me. Even though the foods I choose to eat are healthy now, the drive to eat more and more, my compulsion with it never really leaves me. When I've finished eating my mind automatically skips to when and what I'll be able to eat next. How much longer until my next snack or meal? My addiction to food, the relationship I have with it is still the same as it was throughout my obesity. The feelings didn't just stop when I reached my goal weight. I believe this is a disease, not unlike alcohol or drug addiction, I will never be cured of it. I've just learned to cope with it and live my life in spite of it. This is a daily process of making conscious choices in favor of health rather than desire. Sure I may desire different foods now, which is absolutely astounding considering my life long love of all things sweet and yummy, but the desire to overeat even though it is nutritious foods that I now crave, is still strong and present. I mean just now, as I finished my evening snack of black cherry yogurt, my mind automatically thought, hmmm, I could have another one of those if I want, it's my choice. Yea, it is my choice, and I know that I don't need another one, I just want another one, and the wanting is what gets me into trouble. For so long I gave into all my wants, how else could my weight have reached over 320 lbs.? I know that I can't give into all my wants if I plan on maintaining this weight loss for the rest of my life. So even though it may not be "bad" for me, the mentality is, and that's what I strive to control every single day. The compulsion is my nemesis, one that I will be fighting for the rest of my life. But I know that and I can accept that, and I can live with that knowledge. Acceptance, I believe, has been the key to finally achieving success in this life long struggle with weight and food. I accept that I will never be one of those people who can eat what ever they want without gaining a pound, I will never have a "perfect" body, I will never not have issues with food and body image. I accept that I am the way I am, and it's what I do with that knowledge that ultimately make the difference between success and failure. I choose success. Thank god I have the choice.


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