Thursday, August 10, 2006

My baby got her ears pierced yesterday, sigh… She’s been begging me to do it since before school let out for the summer so I made it into a goal for her to work towards through good behavior. And boy did she work! That’s not to say there weren’t set backs of course, but she has really been busting her butt to keep her attitude in check and show me the respect that she now knows I expect. We used a point and X system for a variety of different behavioral issues that need working on, so when she did slip up, the X’s cancelled out points. Made it take longer, but it was a great way to show her the consequences of her actions and choices. Anyway, she did really well, only tearing up but not outright crying. I was so proud of her! Now she feels like such a big girl with her pretty pink earrings to show off to the world.

Speaking of set backs, we definitely had a few this week. It’s like life just got to be too much for Em to handle (believe me, I can totally relate!) and she kinda lost it. I think it was stress about school starting along with being overwhelmed about taking care of her responsibilities (she got behind on chores) and her ongoing effort to keep herself in check regarding behavior and consideration for others, and then trying so hard to reach her ear piercing goal, well, it just did her in. She described it as having too much buzzing around in her head all at once, and not being able to get a handle on it all. She was anxious and irritable, breaking down easily and regressing into past behaviors and coping mechanisms. What's worse is that she’s been making so much progress lately that this little set back really threw me for a loop. I have to admit, I’ve gotten kind of used to her taking more responsibility for her actions and recognizing when she acts inappropriately or disrespectfully towards me. She’s been wonderful lately about realizing when she’s crossed the line with tone or attitude, and apologizing for it accordingly. So when she regressed so severely this week, (tantrums, back talk, yelling, disobeying, ignoring, immature acting out, etc.) I was caught very much off guard. So I decided to just give her a couple of days “off” and let her regroup. She just needed a small break from life, (yet another thing I can totally relate to) so she could regain her focus and feel back in control again. And it seems to have worked wonders. My girl is back, and ready to face the world again, whew, thank goodness! Those were an iffy couple of days, wondering if all of the progress we’ve made had permanently come undone. I also made sure to mention these difficulties to Mellany during her counseling appointment on Wednesday, so that she could help Em to find some more appropriate ways to cope when things just get to be too much. Em really didn’t want to talk about it though, preferring instead to avoid the subject entirely and remain in denial that anything had occurred. This is pretty typical of her, which Mellany already knows, so I’m sure she’ll be broaching the subject again when Em is more up to it.

Now, on to my latest Bub update. Get this, he actually has a profile on MySpace, and apparently he’s lookin’ for lurrrrve! Teehee, priceless! Yup, according to his stats, he’s newly divorced and looking to have some fun and excitement now that he’s FREE. Un-freakin-believable! Gee, ya think, if he finds himself some unsuspecting lady friend, and got so preoccupied with his new, exciting life, that he’d slink away and allow us to finally live in peace? Mmmmm, sounds niiiiice! A girl can dream, can’t she? ;D I really do hope he can find some happiness, after all, when he’s happy we’re (usually) spared his wrath. I have to say, I found it particularly amusing that he used the word FREE, knowing so excruciatingly well the desire for freedom myself. And I couldn’t help but wonder why, if he is so happy with his new found freedom, wouldn’t he have let me go all those times I begged him to put an end to this miserable nightmare of a marriage? It just doesn’t make sense. It’s like he couldn’t willingly let it go, or allow me to make that decision for us. It literally took me taking the decision out of his hands by leaving the way I did, for him to be able to accept it as reality. I have not a doubt in my mind that ripping off the proverbial band-aid as I did was the only way to go with him. He simply wouldn’t have allowed anything else. Thank god I did it, thank god you all supported me and cheered me on, and made me believe I really could. Thank god… the nightmare is finally over. Every single day is a gift now that it’s not being spent dreading the next. And I still can’t believe it’s finally over…

Anyway, my SIL is the one who just happened upon his profile while doing a search on folks from our high school, and of course, she simply couldn’t resist passing this juicy little tidbit on to me. He has no idea I know about it, and I plan to keep it that way. I did have a little twinge of guilt, thinking about my own mortification upon realizing that people I never expected to had found me on the web, but I’m getting over it! Like with my own situation, he put it out there for the entire world to see, and he can’t possibly expect complete anonymity when it comes to the internet. So I'll just keep this one to myself and enjoy a good chuckle as I discreetly watch him fumble his was through his newly free life. ;D


Blogger Kath said...

Wow. Poor little Em. I know with my teenage stepson, we occasionally have to give him a "stress day" or two. High school, hormones and a mother who doesn't make much time for him, sometime overwhelms him. I think that was a great idea on your part. We all need a little break once in a while life. It's just too bad that it's happening to someone so young.

Have a fantastic weekend!

7:47 AM  
Anonymous Jilly said...

Em is so very lucky to have such an understanding, sympathetic and compassionate mother! You're handling everything so beautifully. Perfectly.

Damn, damn, damn! I want to see Bub's myspace profile but I know you won't reveal anything...why oh why can't you be even a little bit wicked and evil!

He's not being very honest, is he? What if he charms a woman who wants to get married immediately? You're not divorced yet, right? The comment about his joy at being free isn't very honest either. Gee, you'd think if he was truly starting over, he'd start with the truth. As much as I love the idea of him finding someone else to focus his obsessions on, you've gotta feel for the poor woman who may fall into his trap.

8:37 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

I am all for him finding someone else and getting off your back. If someone does respond, see if she has a friend for John :-)

8:41 AM  

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