Thursday, August 03, 2006

Okay, so I gotta say something bout the new "obesity vaccine" Heh, a vaccine! Please cure me of my fatness, pleeeeeease! Hmmmm, think they'll start giving it to babies along with their chicken pox and measles immunizations? Good lord, a freakin vaccine! Y'know, wouldn't that be just dandy. Too bad it wasn't around while I was desperately trying to live through teenage fat girl hell, woulda come in quite handy, don'tcha think? Y'know, there was a thread going over at 3fc about whether or not you'd choose (if you could) to wake up thin or go through the learning experience of the journey. A whole lotta folks were saying that they wouldn't give up the lessons they've learned along the way for anything. I'm thinking, are ya freakin' kidding me? Does this waking up thin thing come with tight skin and toned muscles included? Oh who the hell cares if it does or not, I'm sooooo there! Yeah, yeah, invaluable lessons, true and lasting changes, I get it, I get it. But damn, who wouldn't just want it all magically fixed without the long tedious process of blood sweat and tears? Poof, fat be gone!! C'mon already, I'll take the quick fix, thank you very much. So what does that say about me? Well, exactly what it seems to say, that's what. But hey, at least I'm honest about it. So, what does this mean exactly? Not a damn thing, cause the fact is, there is no quick fix, for anything. If you want something bad enough, you'll work your ass off to get it, plain and simple. Still though, those lucky little mice, ahhhh... ;D

Speaking of all that mess, I've been soooooo good this week! Eating totally on plan, no mindless late night junk food grazing, no extra bites and nibbles that so quickly add up, and no more damn cereal and sweets! Nope, I've been doing the oatmeal thing, every... single... morning, ug. It may be boring, but it's easy and it doesn't tempt me, so I guess I'll stick with it. And I really do like my oatmeal, I just like my Kashi better, lots better!I've also been sticking to my regular exercise routine, and making sure I find the time to fit it in. Cause that's what it really comes down to, making the time and being consistent. So there you have it, back on track (hopefully to stay) and in control. Woohoo!

So, what's a post without a Bub update, right? Well, let's see? It seems I got myself into trouble again. Oh c'mon, you knew it was coming, it's been a while since the last time hasn't it? Nothing big, and quit frankly, it's all becoming pretty laughable now that I have some time and distance (and more of my faculties in order) from the situation. I'm not saying I don't still have that sickening pit in my stomach feeling when he starts in on me, I think I'll continue to react that way for a long time coming, but I could definitely tell it's affects are lessening. I find I'm able to view his rants and lectures more objectively now, especially considering how I know I get to hang up or leave when he's done now, and how I get to terminate the conversation if I feel it's necessary without having to suffer the consequences with an all night lecture. Anyway, what was my crime this time you ask? I failed to mention to him that Em's counseling appointment was cancelled last week because Mellany was in a minor car accident. She's fine BTW, just a little beat up. But the point is, I didn't tell him, and he only found out because Em just happened to mention it in passing. Of course, he simply can't stand to not know everything that's going on, and he hates it even more if he has to find stuff out through Em. So off he went, on his tirade about slowly being pushed out of his daughter's life. About how he can't trust me to tell him what's going on in her life and trying to control his access to her. Little does he know that she'd prefer he not know all the little details, thinking if he did, he might try to participate in her life more, which is something she has no interest in. Ug. He made excellent points of course, doesn't he always? About how I would feel if I weren't privy to all the details of her young life, if I only heard about what the other chose to tell me, if I was only wanted when it came to having fun and paying for stuff. Yadda yadda yadda. Yes, I get it, I can't even fathom being in his shoes. But here's the thing, I'm not in his shoes. I didn't drive my family away and alienate my only child. I didn't make my family's lives such an unbearable living hell that they felt their only way out of this nightmare was to sneak away while I was at work one day. No, my daughter feels comfortable around me, she feels secure, accepted, loved, unafraid, and actually wants to spend time in my presence. So yeah, I get that he feels out of the loop, and that he feels like he's losing his family. But y'know what buddy? That's the bed you made, so tough titty. Anyway, he wants weekly updates about her counseling appointments, whether I actually know what they talked about or not. He wants to know her daily schedule, whether she's having a friend over that day, or what night and time gymnastics is, or if we have plans. And not because he thinks I need his approval, he just wants to know. He wants to be a part of his daughter's life, and I can appreciate that, I really can. It's just too bad his daughter doesn't want him to be a part of it too.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know what, he doesn't have the right to know every last detail of her life and yours.

Just tell him "sorry you feel that way" and go on your meery way.

2:11 AM  
Anonymous Aunt Sandy said...

So happy you have found your way back in control of your eating. I can totally relate! Great job! I am back at WEight Watcher as you know and I am losing again. Slowly but surely.
I agree with anonymous. Bub really should suffer the consequences of his bad parenting. Em is within her rights to distance herself from her dad if he makes her nuts.
It isn't about Bub here. It is about what is best for Em. His ego is just going to have to take a back seat for a change. Unless he GETSIT and stops trying to control every situation with her he will just have to lunp it won't he?
Hugs and more hugs

12:29 PM  
Blogger Dawnyal said...

I'm sorry but you shouldn't have to be a go-between for him. If he wants to know what's going on in her life, he needs to ask her. You have to take her to the doc for an emergency, then yeah a call would be nice but a cancelled counselor's appt? Uh? no. If he wants updates about the counselor's meetings then he needs to take an active role and call the counselor about it. Again, you shouldn't have to be his go-between. Lordy.

Kudos to you for getting back on track.

4:42 PM  
Anonymous Alex said...

Yikes! I was fighting the urge to shout at Bub through the computer screen, "Chill out! She forgot to tell you! Get over it!" Perhaps it's my California brand of psychology...

You've inspired me to start eating oatmeal again. My new job has a kitchen stocked full of junk food ours for the taking... so I had been skipping breakfast and snacking on Pop Tarts, candy bars and chocolate-covered granola bars. If I'm full already from eating oatmeal... than I can't snack on junk. A good philosophy?

8:31 PM  
Blogger Luflic said...

Yeah I am with you on the wanting the fast fix on getting thin. I would love to worry about the lessons learned while thin. Ahhh it only it were so. I am in the middle of the sweat and tears. Since you are into the oatmeal thing do you know anything about baked oatmeal and how to do it? Saw it on a marquis at a restaruant and it intrigued me?

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Jilly said...

Yep, that's it in a nutshell ~ he drove you both away, plain and simple, yet still refuses to accept that fact or even acknowledge his responsibility to change his ways in order to be an affective parent. So tough titty indeed.

Well, I got in a bit of trouble once at 3FC suggesting that there's other things I've had to overcome and/or other accomplishments in my life that I've learned valuable lessons from, so I didn't exactly appreciate living the "how to lose 100lbs." one. I would have jumped at the opportunity to lose weight overnight, no question about it! Of course, there's the thought that perhaps you might not have been able to find the strength to leave bub without having the lessons you learned about yourself from a tremendous weight loss, so who knows. In any event, so glad you're back on track! xox

9:17 PM  

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