Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Ahhh, just in the nick of time!!

Okay, I know I promised myself that my next post would be lie somewhere in the realm of normal to mundane, whatever that may be, but this was just too much to pass up. So pierced ears, first bras and schoolyard crushes, along with all the other incidental details of our "new normal" life will have to wait for just a bit longer.

Well, the inevitable has finally happened, Bub quit his job. I figured it was coming since he's been hinting at problems at work (as usual) for a while now, but since I am no longer subjected to the endless rants filled with ominous urgency to "figure something else out" so he can finally get out of there, it was definitely news to me. He called to let me know, asking first if I had a moment to talk without Em around. Right then and there my anxiety kicked into high gear, my heart started racing and I knew I was in for something. I wonder if the day will ever come that I don't have this kind of sickening automatic reaction to his requests for any sort of a serious talk? God, I hate that feeling, it just takes me right back to such a horrid place that I'd just as soon forget all about. Anyway, I said sure, I have a minute. And he laid it on me. But the actual purpose of the call was to tell me that he was no longer gonna be able to pay the one mutual monthly bill that I left with him when I moved out, and he needed to know what we were gonna do about it. This bill (a loan payment) is both of our responsibility, but since my budget wouldn't allow for it considering everything else I took on, I left it for him to handle. But now that he can't afford it either, well, like I said, he needs to know what we're gonna do about it. See, he has to know something, even if there are no real answers, he has to have a plan because he can't just leave things up to chance. I told him that we would take care of it one way or another, and when it's time for the bill to be due, to let me know what he can do and we'll get it paid since I have a little money set aside right now and it wouldn't be too much of a hardship. But I did tell him that it's not something that I'll be able to continue to do, but for right now I can help if he needs it. But he wasn't satisfied because the problem wasn't fixed. He cannot stand to just let something go when there's no solution at hand. He thought I was hedging and not being willing to take responsibility or make a commitment to getting it paid. How exactly does he expect me to commit to paying it when I simply can't afford it either? So I reiterated that I understand my joint responsibility in this and that we would find a way to take care of it no matter what, but that I couldn't tell him how right now, and that was just gonna have to be good enough. Anyway, he was being pissy and all of the old thoughts and feelings ran scrambling through my head and body like always. But I held strong and didn't let him engage me in his problems, even when he so casually said he'll let me know if he ends up having to move or something if he can't afford to live there anymore. But then, guess what? I got to hang up the phone and all those bad old feelings soon subsided! OMG! And now I can't seem to wipe the grin off my face! After I hung up with him, all I could think, feel, and say was; NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM! Over and over again I said it, shouted it, cheered it, hell, I even saaaaaang it and danced to it! Not anymore, not my fucking problem. No longer do I have to worry where the money is coming from or how long until it all dries up. No longer do I have to scramble in instability each time the next new business or idea fails. No longer do I have to agree to his ridiculous plans or go along with the next big thing that will finally start reeling in the dough. No more tensely awaiting the next shoe to drop, just wishing and hoping that he'll keep the first stable form of income we've had in years for just a little bit longer. Because now, my stability is up to me, and me alone. It is whatever I make of it, and his stupid shit is no longer my problem! And then it suddenly hit me what things must have been like around his house over the last few weeks leading up to his quitting his job. I feel unbelievably sorry for his friends that moved in with him after I moved out, as they must surely have been subjected to mind numbing ramblings which have always been intended solely for me. And it also hit me that tonight will NOT be filled with endless conversation about what to do now and trying to come up with an acceptable solution before finally letting it go for the time being. Tonight, I get to work on my blog, curl up with a book, cuddle with my girl, eat what ever the hell I feel like for dinner, watch whatever I want on TV, and squeeze in an extra workout on my Gazelle. Tonight will be calm and peaceful and mercifully, beautifully quiet... :)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unless your name is physically on the paperwork, I would be making it clear it's his responsibility and has nothing to do with you. If he can't afford to pay it, he shouldn't have left his job.

What would have prevented him from starting up his new business, while still working at his job like most other people?

You are so right that it's not your problem. Just keep reinforcing to him, that it isn't your problem.

Thank god for a peaceful future!

12:06 AM  
Anonymous jilly said...

First I want to bask in the shining light that is emanating all the way from Arkansas to Toronto .... ahhhh, that wonderful glow of NOT YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM!! I am so damn glad you found the strength to take control and make the move when you did!!

As for Bub, what a bundle of contradictions that man is! He needs intense planning, he needs immediate solutions, he needs answers right NOW and he needs to know what the future holds before it even happens. Yet, he can justify quitting his job (for the upteenth time) before having a new one in place, without figuring out how it will affect his financial responsibilites, and with full knowledge that his actions will throw his desired "ordered" existance into disarray. Its one thing to be fired, but to up and quit on the basis that his boss doesn't run the business the way Bub wants it run is selfish, impractical and stupid. Simply put, he's his own worst enemy and a dumbass of the first order. Then again, you already knew that. ;)

12:59 AM  
Blogger Dawnyal said...

Oh wow. My first response when you said this would be to tell him to get another fucking job, no matter what. He can't use his blindness as an excuse either. I told you my dad is legally blind as well and you know what? He cleans floors at wallyworld and puts up freight and he rides his bike to and from work every day. Gee. :)

That is so great you were able to hang up and not have to worry about his new problem. I would try and get your financials worked out soon though (especially if your name is on a lot of the bills) so you won't have to be financially responsible for his stupidity.

9:49 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Good for you my dear!! I am so proud of you.

It is so exciting to watch you grow and grow in maturity and wisdom.

And now, in celebration, I shall do the "not my fucking problem" dance!! :):)

2:19 PM  
Anonymous Aunt Sandy said...

Wow! Isn't that just hunky dory that he decided to quit yet another job without having any "plan". I agree with Jilly. He is one huge contradiction!.
Not your problem! Ever again!
Make sure you establish your own credit apart from him as soon as you can. That will be truly liberating. I would also mention this situation to your lawyer if you can. He needs to know where Bub is financially.
Aint freedom wonderful1?
Hugs to you both.

7:09 PM  
Blogger chryscat said...

I am so damn happy that you got to hang up the phone and get the hell away from Bub's endless drama.
I could kind of see this coming. And he won't stop at anything to insinuate himself back into your life. But you handled it SO WELL!!!
*dancing for YOU*

6:15 PM  
Blogger Joc said...

Hi Bev,

I am doing the "not my fucking problem" dance with Jen 4 u.

How good that must feel for you, enjoy it.

7:11 PM  

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