Sunday, April 23, 2006

Quick update

Okay everyone, you may now take a collective sigh of relief, as we are safe and MOVED! Ahhhhh! Wow, what a whirlwind this whole crazy mess has been! I, of course, have soooooo much to say, but I quickly realized that the detailed post I had begun working on was gonna take some time, which is something that I'm still quite short on for the time being. So, just know that things went relatively smoothly, although there were some tense moments when Bub called me to pick him up from work early because he wasn't feeling well, but like I said, details will come shortly. And I also want everyone to know that he didn't go loco and try to come after us or make any threats, in fact he's handling it much better than I expected, which is, of course throwing me for a loop so I'm finding it difficult to know just how to respond to him. Again, details to follow. Unfortunately, the reality of what we've done has really begun to sink in for Em over the last few days, so she's desperately missing her daddy, and her anguish has been almost unbearable at times. I knew this would be difficult for her, but I guess I wasn't expecting the severity of her reaction. She's simply not thinking about how horrible it's been or how desperately she wanted outta there, she's just missing the nice, funny, loving, playful daddy whom she loves with all her heart. And I'm certainly not going to try to remind her because she has to be able to deal with this in her own way, and I don't want to make this any more painful for her than it already is. I'm just grateful that I went ahead and set up her counseling, which begins on Friday. Anyway, I need to stop for now, but like I said, I've got lots to talk about, so I hope to be able to post all the gory details soon. Again, thank you to everyone for all of your love and support and for cheering me on and helping me through this craziness. Now, I suppose, the real fun begins. BTW, please feel free to take that statement however you like, cause I'm not entirely sure how I plan to take it yet either!


Blogger Coley said...

Good for you. I don't know you in real life but I'm very proud of you. I hope you are too.

Claire x

10:13 AM  
Anonymous jilly said...

I've already told you how difficult it was for me when my baby would cry "But what about daddy? Who's going to make his dinner" and "I don't like it here, when are we going home?" But I knew, as a mother, that I'd done the right thing. Just as my daughter came to appreciate exactly that, so will Em (and she'll thank you).

I wonder if bub's calm reaction is the beginnings of an attempt to coax you back ~ but you're not falling for that. No way!

Congrats again on taking your life into your own hands. I, too, am damn proud of you! xox

11:03 AM  
Anonymous aunt sandy said...

So happy to hear things went well. I was thinking of you all day until I got the call from Jan. Whew!!!
Now comes the "fun" as you mentioned. Yes, Em will be flip-flopping for awhile. That is to be expected. I think your idea about Bub's reaction is on the mark. Watch out for the "victim". He has been playing that card all his life.
I agree with Jilly. Congrats on taking back your life!
hugs to you and Em

4:32 PM  
Anonymous Linda Carson said...

Dear Bev,]
I've been following your life story for a couple months and am very very very, did i say very proud that you didn't give your life away. Now be ever so careful...of possibly being manipulated into going back. That's the cycle of abuse. From one who knows...
Linda C. Pennsylvania.

6:12 PM  
Blogger chryscat said...

Yep. I'm with everyone else here. You are a damn strong woman, and we think your are wonderful.
I agree with Linda. Stay strong. You are on a brand new road.

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was where you were. I am where you are now. There'll be some crap but you'll get through it. You never get sent more than you can cope with.

Don't fall for the self pitying bullshit.

4:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Listen to the others that have been through it.

I'm sure for all, and for Em, there is the mourning for "what may have been". But the reality is, it's not the way things "were", it's not the way things "are". If it was,it would not have been necessary to leave.

You both deserve a happy life.

Mourn with your daughter for what life should have been. A loving marriage and relationship... ...but it isn't and it wasn't.

Being "reasonable" now doesn't make up for his lack of interest in your wellbeing earlier. No reasonable person tells someone else what to think or what to feel. If you cannot feel the joy where someone else's desires, ambitions and pleasures cross your own what is the point?

Tell her Daddy know knows how do all these things for himself. He just needs reminding he can do this on his own.

Just as you needed to remind yourself you didn't need him to tell you how think... Anyone you live with will know where you are vulnerable. Don't let him milk this to draw you back to where you know it will not work.

If he is currently being "reasonable". Say thank you and try and get as much paperwork signed off as possible as you can while he is in this frame of mind.

Congratulations for being so strong, and remember that Em is mourning what may have been rather than what actually is.

5:46 AM  
Blogger Xena said...

What a relief! My heart was pounding when I opened your post, and I'm very glad that you made it out. You did the right thing for Em, and you both will probably need to do some grieving. Our children don't always understand why we have to make the decisions that we make in their best interest.

I hope the peace continues, but having been with a very manipulative man and gotten out of the marriage, I can relate with the suggestions that he may start playing the "victim" card. Stay strong, sister!

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Lisa said...

I'm glad the move went alright, and I agree with all above about not falling for the "victim" thing.

Look: even if we pretend you are married to the nicest man alive, people still fall out of love with each other. People still leave marriages because they aren't compatable (anymore or never were)and cannot go on living like that.

If you find yourself listening to him more than you ought to, being manipulated etc. : go back and read your own entries in this journal the past year. The person who wrote that was miserable. You do not want to go back to that.

Dr Phil says "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." Remember that.

Meanwhile, I can't wait until we get the full story!!

10:12 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Add this experience to your life's greatest accomplishments list! We are all so proud of you!

Looking forward to a more detailed account of the weekend's happenings!

10:16 AM  
Blogger Dawnyal said...

Beverly, I've been so worried about you all weekend (I don't have internet access at home and I wasn't near a library to check there) and I was so glad to hear you made it out okay and are slowly getting settled into your new life.

You are doing right by letting Em grieve over what might have been. The anonymous is right that now that you 2 are no longer together she is probably feeling a bit lost because she too has had to walk on eggshells even if it wasn't a great existence, it's what she knows.

11:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WooooHooooo! You made it Bev! I worried about you all weekend. I agree with all the above posts, so I'm keepin' it short. Congrats!Can't wait to read more...


5:26 PM  
Blogger Joc said...

So happy for you :-))))

2:16 AM  

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