Freaking out... yes again!!

Truly, there are people in this world (mostly little old church secretaries) who have absolutely no business whatsoever being anywhere near a computer, let alone trying to operate one. Yet, no matter what, they insist that they know what they're doing and that it's right, (of course) and that whatever the problem is, it must be with the program. Heaven forbid someone actually admit to user error, puhleeeeeze! CAUTION, PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER! ACCESS DENIED DUE TO EXTREME STUPIDITY! And no, there is no patch available for download on that! Some people are truly exasperating and my patience as tech support for this software only goes so far. And the busy season is still to come... lord help me!

Okay, sorry about that, I'm better now. ;D

So, what's going on with me? Um, the scale is up. Yes, you read that correctly, the scale is up by exactly 3 pounds. I know, I know, what's 3 piddly pounds? And I know that all of this has been kind of the point lately, you know, to replenish a little sorely needed padding. And that I've actually been under my target weight of 130 lbs. for months now, but just haven't admitted it because it somehow seems too low, and that (to me) implies the impression that I may have "a problem". Which, of course, is completely ridiculous, yet my insecurities about that subject still hold the thought firmly in place. And I also know that weight fluctuates, and that 3 pounds may not really be three pounds (even though those extra 3 pounds have shown up consistently for a week now). So, what the hell is my point you ask? My point is this, it's THREE FUCKING POUNDS!! Deep breaths, deeeeeeep breaths. See, this is exactly what I was afraid of. The idea of purposefully gaining weight, scares the ever livin' shit out of me! And now that I think it's actually happening, well, I'm paralyzed like an idiot deer caught in the headlights. Am I seriously supposed to let go and actually do this for real? You've got to be freakin' kidding me! Wasn't the point of all this blood, sweat and tears, to keep the weight off... for good? Isn't that what I've been striving for during the past three years? Every single relative choice I've made for the past three years has been for the sole purpose of keeping weight off, period. Frankly, I don't see how it could be possible for me to ever be comfortable with gaining weight again, no matter what the reason. So yeah, I'm freaking out a bit. Oh, who am I kidding, A LOT! And now I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. On the one hand I know that I've got to learn to let go, but on the other hand I know that complacency is the death of any diet or "healthy lifestyle" if you'd rather. So how do I find the balance? The happy medium that allows me to remain in control of my body, while still doing what I know I need to for optimum health? Good lord, does this ever end? I don't know, but I do know this; I've got way too much shit to do, to be freaking over this right now! So, I'm off to quit avoiding responsibility, and I'll be back to blabber on about this more at a later date! ;D