Saturday, December 17, 2005

Thanks for the book suggestion Dawnyal. I've already checked with my local library and they don't have it, so I'm putting in a request for it right away. I also looked up more books by this author, and I think I'll be requesting a few of her other books as well.

As for the idea of visualizing myself running away from Bub on the Gazelle... I think I much prefer the idea of running over him instead! Now how's that for a little mojo!

I've used those hair removal creams on my legs without much luck, (I have incredibly thick, course hair) but I've never thought of actually using them under my arms before, interesting...

Post Secret rocks, doesn't it Jilly?! I haven't seen mine pop up on the site yet, but I'm still holding out hope. ;D

Can I just say that the ending to The Apprentice totally sucked Thursday night!! Trump asked Randal (the winner) if he should hire Rebecca as well, and the dude was like no, there is only one apprentice, and that's me! And Trump was like, okay, I'll just leave it at that! HUH? Sure, he won fair and square, and there can only be one winner, but damn, that was just cold! They both are very deserving and qualified for the job, so I hope the Trumpster ends up hiring the chick anyway, regardless of what Randal thinks about it.

Okay, enough of this trivial shit, I'm fixin to be in major crisis mode here. Bub has decided that he must have fudge... here, in this house! Yes, this house, the very one where I, the ultimate goodie fiend, currently resides and where I must somehow learn to co-exist with a butt-load of chocolatey rich, god-forsaken, pure and utter EVIL. In the immortal words of the Wicked Witch of the West; what a world, what a world!!! Not only that, but on Sunday I'm taking Em to our annual gingerbread house making extravaganza at my dad and stepmom's house. My stepmom (the former bakery owner) makes all of the gingerbread herself and crafts the basic houses, each on it's own foil covered base, and primed to be covered in goodies. Then she sets each of the kids up at the kitchen table with their own house, a bowl full of white (homemade) frosting to be used as the "glue" and a putty knife, overlooking a vast array of assorted candies, chocolates and goodies suitable enough for sticking to the houses. So basically, fat chick hell. Or should I say, fat chick heaven. But obsessive/compulsive overeating , junk food addicted, desperately trying to remain skinny, former fat chick hell. Have I mentioned before that I have issues? Why the hell do I even do this to myself? Seriously though, I think I'll be okay there, in spite all the other homemade holiday goodies like her famous fudge, and about a dozen other assorted varieties of Christmas cookies, caramel popcorn, pastries, and treats because I've typically always been a secret binger. So having other people around makes a tremendous difference in how well I handle myself in these situations. Which, of course, is not terribly surprising considering my all encompassing drive to present a false front to those around me. Oh sure, I'm at a normal weight now, I'm never tempted to revisit my old, unhealthy ways. (Can you sense the heavy sarcasm here?) Of course I no longer have lingering issues with food, I am unshakable in my resolve to never again lose control and become that miserably obese woman again, while continuously setting an unrealistic and completely unreasonable example for everyone else around me. (cough *bullshit* cough) WTF is up with that? Surely they must expect this to still be difficult for me, so why on earth would I try to pretend that it isn't? This need to always appear perfect and in control is so ridiculous and completely unnecessary. In fact, it surely must do more harm than good, right? I mean, who could possibly live up to that kind of expectation. Certainly not me, or anyone else I know. I wonder how easily others can see right through me? Or do you think I really have them fooled, and they believe that I really am "cured" of my fatgirlacitis?

In other news, Bub has volunteered to play Santa for a local shop owner friend of his, this weekend and next. Think 300+ lb. albino stuffed into a 3 sizes too small Wallyworld Santa suit. Snicker, snort! Yes, there will be pics, I promise! I'll also make sure to get some pics of the gingerbread house party, and hopefully post all in the very near future. And today I'll be braving the chaos otherwise known as WalMart with Em, to find some Christmas presents for the kids in the family (she really wanted to help pick out the kid's stuff), and to find supplies for her school Christmas party. So, suffice it to say, I just may not survive this weekend. May the force be with me. ;D Of course, I could just conjure up the image of Bub in the sausage suit with screaming kids on his lap, surely that will give me the strength to go on! Tee hee!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Black men usually stand behind "brothers" and "sisters." Had Rebecca been African-American, I have no doubt that Randal would have encouraged Trump to hire her as well. Instead, Randal indulged his considerable racism and revealed himself to be so incredibly and foolishly selfish.

10:37 AM  
Blogger B said...

Hmmm, I can't say that I would agree with this being a racially based decision on his part, but to each his own point of view, I suppose. I tend to agree more with your last few words instead, "revealed himself to be so incredibly and foolishly selfish." And that he's maybe not such a smart business leader after all, considering the fact that his hasty decision has in turn cost the Trump organization the opportunity to employ a highly talented and invaluable leader in her own right.


10:55 AM  
Blogger chryscat said...

Oh man. 'Tis the season. And I don't understand how people CANNOT understand. grrrrrrrrrrr
Flat pisses me off to tell you the truth.
I honestly don't think that those who are weight-challenged realize how damn hard it is to struggle with it...on a DAILY basis.
It's like an alcoholic. They'll always be one. We're foodies.
It's all a struggle. That just doesn't go away with the pounds.
I'm sending LOTS of good thoughts to you. I hope it's not too terribly hard.

6:48 PM  
Blogger Dawnyal said...

What is sad is your family probably does think you are "cured" of your fatness and then if by chance you do indulge, you'll be thinking they are thinking "she's gonna gain all that weight back with that piece of fudge." We sure do live in a sick in twisted world huh?
I can't wait to see pics of Sausage Santa and of course em's gingerbread house.

I never could get into the apprentice so I'm clueless.

2:31 PM  

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