Thursday, December 15, 2005

I had this whole long, drawn out, depressing post about how life in general is sucking great big 'ol donkey balls right now, but I decidedly could not deal with facing that here and now. So, instead, I scrapped the drudgery of it all, in favor of a lighter more contrived rendition including the normal superficial, teeth gritting, "life is just peachy" facade that I've come to live by over the years. That being the case, I'll just say that I've been in a funk all week, and frankly, not dealing with it very well. But I am feeling somewhat better today, so let's just move on, shall we?

I have to say that I'm a bit disturbed by my apathy towards working out this week. I've literally had to force myself not only to get on the Gazelle, but then to complete my normal workout in it's entirety. This is so disturbing because of the fact that working out, as a part of my not so newly accustomed lifestyle, has not been a major issue or problem for quite some time now. I normally complete my workouts with nary a struggle or thoughts of complaint, and even look forward to them as a stress reliever, and feel incomplete if I have to miss one for some reason. So, the fact that I've been having to make myself do it, and honestly haven't been giving it my all, is upsetting, to say the least. Oh, I know good and well why it's become such a chore, (see paragraph above) but that's no excuse! Complacency is not an option, so I must figure out how to go about getting my mojo back, and just get over myself already. Working out is a non-negotiable with me, I do it to stay healthy and strong, and I need the structure and routine to keep me inline and hold myself accountable. If I ever start making it okay to not work out at least regularly, then I know that I'm heading down a slippery slope. And frankly, I'm just unwilling to go there. So that's it, no more of this hemming and hawing, I know what I need to do, so I'm just gonna gitter done.

You know what I find absolutely ridiculous? How unbelievably hard it is to shave my armpits now! I think I've mentioned this before, but the damn things gave me such a fit in the shower this morning, that I find it imperative to revisit the topic. WTF is up with this? Do all normal weight people have to deal with this, or is this annoyance reserved exclusively for former fat chicks, much like the perpetual coldness factor? My guess is no, that this is more of a side effect due to regular strength training. And since there is very little fat there, and a whole lotta muscle, it creates deep, cavernous valleys, which have become next to impossible to maneuver a razor through. Who'd have thought that something so trivial as shaving my pits would become such a ridiculous chore? Oh well, it could always be worse. Like if my loose skin problem were affecting that area as well. I couldn't imagine trying to shave these massive canyons through drooping, sagging skin. Ug! Now that would be comical! No, I'm lucky that the loose skin doesn't extend to all areas of my body. On my arms though, it's unfortunately been reserved for the much more visible areas than an easily covered armpit. Lucky me! ;D I'm quite certain that I will likely never feel comfortable going sleeveless. But since I've never done so before, it's not as if I really know what I'm missing out on. Plus, I'd probably just be freezing my bejeebas off the whole time anyway, so what's the point? Bejeebas? Don't ask, even I don't know. ;D

Tonight is The Apprentice finale, I think both Randall and Rebecca would be excellent apprentices, so I'm having trouble deciding who I want to win. I'm just glad I agree with the final two this time, whereas before I didn't always think they had the best choices left at the end. I'm sad that Survivor is over for the time being, I'm gonna miss it on Thursday nights for the next few months. And I was sad to hear that Joey was being cancelled, we really enjoy that show, followed by Will & Grace. Yeah, our Thursday nights, otherwise known as TV night at our house, is normally jam-packed full. We usually tape Joey and Will & Grace while we watch Survivor. Then we watch the Apprentice followed by ER, and last we grab the tape from earlier and finish off the shows that we couldn't watch while Survivor was on. By the time we finish up all of our shows it's about 11:00 and I'm fighting to stay awake. I know it's crazy, but it's worth it and hey, it's only one night out of the week! We also always get dinner out on Thursday nights. Not sure what it'll be tonight but I'm sure we'll find something good. My favorite thing to do is to get Chinese takeout because I always order the General Tsao's Chicken (all white meat and extra spicy) and then chop a few pieces up in a massive salad. Plus, the portions they give you are so huge that I can pretty much make lunches out of the remainder of the chicken for the rest of the week. Mmmmm, this makes such an awesome salad, my mouth is watering just thinking about it! I also like it because I get to indulge in one of my all time favorite dishes, yet still stay completely on plan. It's the best of both worlds, IMO.

Well, I think that's all for now. I'm off to catch up on work before it's time to pick Em up at school. Happy Thursday everyone!


Blogger Dawnyal said...

Ok girl, first off may I suggest some reading material. I'm currently reading When you eat at the refrigerator, pull up a chair by Geneen Roth. For the life of me I can't remember where I saw the recommendation originally to read this book but it is so worth it and I think it may help you with some of your self esteem issues.

I too hope you find your mojo real soon. I guess you could always imagine yourself running away from Bub while on the gazelle?

As for the pits, get you some nair or other hair removal system. Test some on an area first to make sure you aren't allergic. It is so worth the money for it. I love to just use it instead of getting out the old razor and shaving cream.

3:56 PM  
Anonymous Jilly said...

I feel your pain with regards to the exercise demon (although I had to chuckle at Dawynal's suggestion about running from Bub). I've pretty much fallen away from an organized exercise program (even though I seem to remember enjoying it) and my exercise is pretty much limited to obligatory dog walks (which are becomer more difficult each day because of the freakin' snow!)

Thursday nights have become barren and empty for me TVwise, since I only watched Survivor, but I love knowing we only have to wait until Feb. 12 for the new series to start!

As for the bottomless "pits", I think alternatives to shaving are definitely the route to go (although, like Dawnyal said, test for allergies first).

I'm guessing you're feeling out of sorts because of your apathetic feelings towards the holiday season. I'm so with you there and while I think its perfectly reasonable to resent the expense, stress and commercialism of Christmas, those guilt feelings compound the malaise because you want it to be wonderful for the kids and deep down you want to enjoy the festivities and get into the spirit but find it so frustrating that you can't make it come naturally.

Since you love reading, I second Dawnyal's suggestion. There's so many books out there (self-help, medical journals, narratives of personal experiences) that you may find enlightening. Speaking of books, you've got me hooked on checking out "Post Secrets" every Sunday night and now the book is on my Christmas list (I wonder if mine will be in it?) :D

11:56 AM  
Blogger chryscat said...

In a funk. Yes. I can imagine. Oh Wait! That's where I was ALL last week. grrrrrrrrrrrrr
I hope the exercise apathy goes away. I have this issue with just getting my booty up and doing it. I've decided to join a gym this next year. I've joined some before, and I really enjoy it. But as I've posted...this last year was nowhere near about me. This next one? Oh yes. Me. Me. Me. And if people don't care for it...then too damn bad.
I may have to check out the book Dawnyal talked about. Sounds good.

No slippery slope for you!!!

2:53 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

You know, I could not relate to the armpit thing at all. I have ALWAYS been fat, so the only issue I would have would be not being able to reach my pits comfortably.

I LOVE The Apprentice as well! I knew Randall would win, but I was disappointed in his selfishness when Donald asked him if he should hire Rebecca as well.

If I see your mojo wandering around anywhere, I'll send it your way!

11:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like Geneen Roth's book Breaking Free From Compulsive Eating better than the other one. Evelyn Tribole's book Intuitive Eating is another good one.

When I used to have trouble getting up before the crack of dawn to exercise, I'd always make it a point to ask myself "Have I EVER regretted exercising?" (answer -- no -- well, except for the day I fell off my bike and broke my leg into 45 pieces) and "Have I regretted it when I didn't exercise?" (answer -- almost always). Believe it or not, that helped drag me from bed many a morning.

3:43 PM  

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