Monday, June 12, 2006

Em and I cleaned house Saturday, woohoo! It was long overdue and the clutter monster had thoroughly taken over. We made a list, which she immediately tried to take over in an effort to micro-manage everything, spouting off who would do what and in which order, as is her nature. So after I nipped that one in the bud, we got down to business and now everything is spic and span, well... close enough anyway! I'm not a meticulous housekeeper, (heh, now that's an understatement!) never have been, never will be, so my standards are not hard met. Anyway, the reason she so willingly helped out is because I made house cleaning a prerequisite to our spending the rest of the day at a local state park, swimming at the lake and basking in the blazing Arkansas sun. They have a beach area sectioned off at the lake for public swimming, which only costs $2.50 each per day. Sure beats the hell outta the ridiculously overpriced (and overcrowded) community pool that I still refuse to purchase a membership for. Plus, this swimming area has sand, and there ain't nuttin like digging your toes into the cool wet sand on a hot summer day (yes, I realize that summer doesn't officially begin until the 21st., but believe me, it's been summer here for a while now, ug!). So there we went, and proceeded to get completely water logged and pruned like little ol' ladies. Em got a little sunburned (note to self, must re-apply sunblock next time) and we both got sand in places where it has no business being, but other than that it was an awesome day! Which is exactly what I was going for considering this particular locale also happens to be the scene of one of Em and I's least favorite "Bub" incidents. I think I'll pass on going into all the gory details, so let's just say that this was the time that he took it upon himself to "teach" Em how to float, in his typical, relentless, unpleasable fashion. Thus her initial reaction of fear and slight panic at the news of our planned outing for the day. Immediately she started in with the questions, "Are you gonna make me try to float? Are you gonna try to teach me anything? What if I'm scared? What if I don't want to do something? What if I can't do something, are you gonna get mad at me?". I quickly reassured her that we were merely going there to swim and have fun and that she wouldn't be made to do anything she was uncomfortable with. Thankfully, she immediately brightened and began planning our funfilled day. There was only one small setback right after we entered the water where her insecurity and distrust took over for just a moment, but as soon as she realized that we were, indeed, just there to have fun, she relaxed and allowed herself to thoroughly enjoy the day. If you hadn't guessed, I've been earnestly trying to make up for some of the bad memories by going back to their origin and allowing her to re-experience them as they were meant to be in the first place. I know I can't erase the past, but I'm hopeful that I can at least rebuild her sense of security and show her that her future is whatever she makes of it. That she is not bound by these unpleasant memories, rather free to build brand new ones. Regardless, we had a wonderful time and she asked to go back (soon!), so if nothing else, at least we have progress.

Sunday's plans involved Em spending the day with Bub. He said he'd call when he woke up and was ready for me to bring her over, which he did, a little after 1:00 p.m. (loser). So I dropped her off and went about spending the day all by my lonesome. This is still quite odd for me, as Em and I are almost always together, but it is kinda nice to have a break every now and then, y'know? So what'd I do? I went shopping! Well, more like looking, since it practically takes an act of congress for me to part with the little money I do have! But it was nice to be able to go and spend as long as I like looking at whatever I want, even trying on clothes in the dressing room without an impatient little girl sighing loundly while proclaiming her immense boredom. So what'd I try on, you ask? The dreaded swimming suits. Ug. I do have one, (I wore it to the lake with Em on Saturday) but I'm certainly not happy with it, as if there were such a thing as happy considering the state of my wrinkled up, deflated balloon looking skin. Double ug. Why oh why man ever invented this especially humiliating form fitting, skin bearing suit just for swimming in, is beyond me. But I tried to find something more tolerable just the same. Without luck of course, but hey, at least I tried!

Em has her best friend Sheree spending the night tonight (yet another thing she finally feels free to do now that we're out from under Bub's rule). The first time she had her over was about two weeks ago, and boy what an experience that was! It was the first time Em has ever had anyone spend the night, so to say they were a little excited and hyperactive is putting it mildly. Yes, I let them stay up waaaaay too late, but it was the first time and all, so I made allowances and finally wrangled them into bed about 12:30 at night. So how was my leniency repaid? With two little girls slipping gingerly into my room at about 2:30 in the morning (yes, a mere two hours later) with every intention of remaining up for the rest of the night. "We're not sleepy!" they proclaimed. Well too bad, cause I AM, now GO BACK TO BED! ;D Oy vey! I have to say, we all had a touch of the crankies the next day. So tonight, one of my conditions is that everyone gets a good night's sleep. Heh, we'll just have to see how that one goes, now won't we?! Wish me luck, I think I'm gonna need it!

Disney/CA plans are coming along nicely. Which can only be attributed to the fact that I'm not the one in charge of organizing things. ;D I also got the okay for a few extra days off work, so the church ladies will just have to make due for an entire week and a half. Oh my, I'm just cringing at the thought of what type of damage they can do in that short amount of time! But I'll take care of it, that's what I do. Anyway, I think that's about it for now, it's time to get to work on settling some very giggly girls down for the night, cause it's just about momma's bedtime!


Blogger Dawnyal said...

that is great you are helping her to have good memories to not necessarily erase the bad but to show her good times can be had.
sounds like things are settling in nicely now and you are finding your new groove.

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Aunt Sandy said...

Looking forward to seeing both of you.
Good memories are so important for Em now. The more good memories she accumulates the more distant the bad memories will become.
We plan to give her some really good ones.

5:21 PM  
Anonymous paulina said...

I've been reading your blog for quite some time now. It is wonderful how possitive and light hearted you seem to be now that you are free from the land of Bubdom.

I do have one question though, does he always make you wait for him to call you and give you a time that is convenient for him for you to drop off Em?

It seems to me that he is still trying to control your day by making you stand by and wait for his call.

Just my two cents, but wouldn't it be great to be able to tell him that your schedule for that day requires you to drop Em of at ...O' clock. See you then, bye bye.

Other than that, keep up the great mom job! You have one lucky daughter.

9:54 PM  
Anonymous Jilly said...

What a lovely day at the beach ~ just goes to show you don't have to spend a fortune to have a great time. Of course, as the others have said, Em being able to see things from a different perspective and enjoy herself without trepidation is a big bonus!

95% of people don't look good in bathing suits, sweetie (and don't you just hate the 5% who do??)

I remember the sleepovers well and how they involved very little sleep. But how nice that Em feels relaxed enough to enjoy those simple pleasures with friends without Bub's input.

You both must be getting so excited about your trip, I know I am and will want a full report (yep, a bathroom break post)!

12:40 AM  

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