Wow, thank you to everyone for your heartfelt comments and suggestions! While I feel that volunteering is vital to the community and the duty of every person to give back to those less fortunate than themselves, I don't believe that it would be the solution to this core issue. My dissatisfaction with my life goes so much deeper than merely needing to find more to do with my idle time. Although I most certainly do need more to do with my idle time!;D But, that's beside the point. Of course, this doesn't mean I'm dismissing the idea by any means. In fact, Em and I are always on the look out for different opportunities to help out where we can. My most recent suggestion to her is that we check into our local senior citizens center to see if we could help brighten the day for those who are far too often forgotten about. Unfortunately, we both suffer from intense shyness, so it's been difficult for us to find opportunities that we are both comfortable with other than our regular anonymous giving. Anyway, my point is that I feel throwing myself into external things would only allow me to mask the core problems, and give me the excuse to not have to deal with them, as I've been doing for so long. This is about me, my core personality issues and my willingness to settle in life. And I feel like I can't effectively help others until I learn how to help myself. Not saying that I can't do both at the same time, I just can't focus on helping others instead of helping myself.

I really like the ideas of speaking out about health and weight loss, although I do believe you have to be a WW member to be a leader, don't you? But in some other setting would be fantastic! I think people need to know that this whole weight loss thing doesn't have to be as hard as we've always led ourselves to believe. Of course, my intense fear of public speaking could pose a problem, but I'm certain I could overcome that for the right cause. Writing a book on the subject really appeals to me the most, and have actually begun the process. Unfortunately, I've allowed myself to become overwhelmed by this project (as I so often tend to do) and trying to pinpoint exactly what direction I want to take with it. But I am working on it, little by little. I figure I can organize the mess into something more comprehendable once I've gotten down everything I want to say on the subject.

Also, I want to say a special thank you to my dear friend Jilly, (always my savior and resounding voice of wisdom and reason, what ever would I do without you?) for putting into perspective something that, looking back, I should have seen. You are absolutely right, I don't have the mind set to take on this daunting task right now. Just like in the weight loss, where I was not able to do it until I was mentally prepared for the challenge, I have to be ready to make the necessary changes it takes to obtain what I want in life. I can't believe I didn't see this before! I've been comparing my weight loss with the rest of my life all along, yet I never made the correlation about this; perhaps one of the most important aspects of successful and lasting change. You have to be ready for it; the good, the bad, and the ugly. "Ah-ha!!" Thank you for believing in me.

Wow, I am just so grateful for this outlet, and all the wonderful, caring support it affords me. I can't imagine how I ever got along without it.