Monday, September 19, 2005

So I'm having some "issues" lately with Em's attitude and general lack of respect towards me as her mother. I realize that she completely takes me for granted, which frankly doesn't surprise me since she knows she can count on me for anything. I mean what mother isn't taken for granted, really? Anyway, I'm sure this is completely typical, especially of two females with totally different personalities, and one has to be the authority figure, but I feel like it's gotten out of hand and I need to regain control over the situation before it gets any worse. Geez, I don't even want to think about what her teen years are going to be like, ack!! Now, she doesn't have the same problem with my husband, but that doesn't surprise me either considering the control and fear he holds over her. She's even told me blatantly that she acts differently with me because she knows that punishments from me will be nowhere near as swift and harsh as my husband's. Which basically means that she knows she can get away with more from me. I understand why she tows the line with her father and not with me, she's afraid of him, and that's a very motivating factor in how she chooses to behave with him. She's not, however, afraid of me, which I am thankful for since I don't believe any child should have to be afraid of their own parents. But where does that leave me when it comes to being treated with the respect that I deserve? How do you instill the sense of respect in a child without using fear as a teaching tactic? I am at a loss here, and I don't really know what to try next. But I do know that it can't continue, so something has got to be done quick! I think I'm going to research some literature on the subject, maybe then I'll actually be able to make a decision at the stupid library!!

I went and got my grocery shopping done this morning. It's surprising just how much of the stuff I buy now needs refrigeration. It was almost all fresh fruits and veggies, poultry, milk, yogurt, etc. The only stuff from the middle aisles was the nasty junk that my husband requires like Speghettios w/ meatballs, (blah!) and the typical household items. And my coffee and cereal too of course! That reminds me, since when did my beloved Kashi Go Lean Crunch get so darn popular?? WalMart was out of it again today! Don't they know the anxiety it causes when I'm not sure if I can get my cereal fix or not? How cruel can they be?? JK! Hopefully they'll restock it tonight and I can pick some up tomorrow since I'm not completely out of it yet. But if they still don't have it tomorrow I'm gonna have to find it elsewhere, 'cause I gotta have me some Go Lean Crunch! YUM! I've actually taken to mixing it with the Kashi Puffs lately, so it's not quite so calorie dense and I can have a bit more to keep me filled me up. Pretty good stuff! Of course, they're never out of the puffs when you need them, now are they?? Anyway, the poor checker must have thought me completely fanatical based on the sheer amount of yogurt I had in my basket! I've never seen someone buy and eat as much yogurt as me. It really is quite ridiculous, but hey, if that is one of my only vices (aside from my rampant coffee addiction) then I think I'm doing okay. It's funny too, considering that I used to despise yogurt, I couldn't stand the stuff! But, like they say, tastebuds change. Now I don't think I could live without it! Double YUM!

Hmmm, have you ever noticed just how much time I spend talking about freaking food here?! WTF! I wonder if my life will ever not be totally consumed with thoughts of food? It's got to get easier doesn't it? Now that I've got somewhat of a handle on this weight loss/maintenance thing, don'tcha think my obsession with the stuff could at least lessen a bit? I mean, am I gonna be 80 freakin years old, sittin in my rocking chair, just thinking about when I can get my next food fix? That's no way to live! There's got to be a way to get a grip on what is driving the thoughts in the first place. Or maybe, since I'm obviously wired this way, it's something that I'll always have to contend with no matter what I do. I mean, I know that I'm always going to have an abnormal relationship with food, which I believe is an actual addiction or disease just like drug or alcohol addiction, but it seems like it should at least be possible learn new behaviors or re-wire my brain with enough time and practice, right? Hmmm, I wonder if an alcoholic ever stops craving a drink? Good question...


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