Sunday, October 09, 2005

It's a start!

There was a message on the answering machine from Bub this morning, from after I went to bed last night, basically stating (in tone and choice of words) how dare I not be available for him to reach me (no phone in my room and I don't bring my cell to bed with me) or go to bed early without telling him first. Apparently he had something important to discuss with me (at 11:00 at night) and was frustrated and pissy with me for not answering the phone or calling him to tell him I was going to bed a little early. Now, to be clear, he is out late at night quite often, and I've never called him before going to bed, or been expected to. But, apparently, since he had something important to talk about, I should have somehow known or anticipated that and been available for him, or at least let him know that I was feeling like crap and going to bed 30 min. earlier than usual. Shame on me! WHATEVER! Anyway, I knew (from the tone of his message) that I was about to be in for it this morning, and to tell the truth, it got my hackles up! What, just because he had something to ask me, I should have known to call him, even though I've never done so before? C'mon! But that's what he had in his head, so that's all there was to it. I should have known, and now I'm wrong or bad for not knowing, so I better get ready for the inevitable lecture and apologies that must follow to appease him. Frankly, I wasn't in the mood. Soooooo... early this morning, I formulated my response and typed it all out, so he wouldn't be as able to steam-roll me like usual, and just maybe my voice would be heard for a change. Then, when he got up this morning, I told him that I wanted to talk to him about the message he left for me, which totally caught him off guard since I never try to initiate these types of conversations! Hehe, I caught the master unprepared! Anyway, I handed him the typewritten page and sat patiently while he read it from top to bottom. I was feeling quite froggy, and ready for the challenge! So, he starts out, "okaaaaaaay", and immediately starts playing it off like I was completely overreacting, and that he had "forgotten all about it". PULHEEZ! I know damn good and well that I was gonna be in for it this morning, but whatever, let him play his little games. So, we proceeded to discuss everything, and of course, he has now completely convinced himself that it has always been our understanding that I call him if my usual schedule changes for any little reason. Which, of course, makes me in the wrong and justifies what ever tone he may have used. Even though he said there was no tone, which is complete bullshit! But stupid me erased the damn message, not thinking that I may need to use it to justify my indignation later, so there was no way for him to hear the way he spoke to me after the fact. Damnit! Not that it would have made a difference anyway, he would have found a way to explain it away, like always. So, how did it end? Well, not as good as I'd hoped, but better than I thought. There were no apologies from him, (since he can do no wrong) and honestly, none were expected. But, there were no apologies from me either! So, even though it wasn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, and certainly will not do anything to change his behavior, it is definitely a major accomplishment, and I'm feeling quite proud of myself for standing strong, even in my own little way. Like I've said before, I don't know if any of this is really worth it, but at least it's something. And maybe, just maybe, this small step will allow me to continue to make my voice heard for next time, and perhaps, it means I'll be able to hold my head just a little bit higher now.


Anonymous JIlly said...

Wheeeeee! Yes, its a start! I especially love how you caught him off guard and had him floundering for a bit. Okay, so you didn't get an apology, but the fact that you didn't give in and give HIM one was a major step! You go girl! Hmmm, its Canadian Thanksgiving weekend and I shall give thanks over my small portion of turkey and stuffing (and even smaller portion of pumpkin pie) that my girl stood up to the bully and hopefully has set in motion what could possibly be victory over intimidation (I like to dream big!) :)

3:07 PM  
Blogger Dawnyal said...

Good for you. I agree that is sounds like a great start. WTG.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Joc said...

Just like weight loss, it is all about baby steps, well done!!

7:56 PM  

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