Friday, December 30, 2005

Getting easier???

The scale was up yet again this morning. Only four more pounds until I reach my own personal line in the sand. (yes, I'm working with a narrow margin here, so shoot me) And if it gets to that line, I will either strive to level off and maintain there, or I will go back to basics to ensure just a little comfort room. I do not feel out of control and I do not feel as though I'm overindulging or returning to my old bad habits. I nibble more than I did while losing, but I'm nibbling on healthy foods, so I feel okay with that. I am simply allowing slightly more freedom with my normal foods and not being quit so stringent with the carb and fat content and portion sizes. I am trying to find a new normal that allows me to relax more and get comfortable with this as a lifestyle. I'm tired of panicking at the idea of trying a new restaurant and not knowing if I'll be able to find something that I feel like I can have, or at the prospect of eating a meal made by someone else and not being able to control how it's prepared. I don't want to do it anymore, it has gotten old and I'm done. I want to know that I have sense enough to select the healthiest options I can, and in the correct portions and not be left freaked out because I don't know exactly what just went into me. In real life people don't always know, let alone care. In real life people eat because they're hungry (among other reasons) and don't (always) replay what they just ate over and over in their minds wondering just how much fat was really in that. Of course, I'll never be like those people because I have food addictions and compulsions and am wired differently, but I'd like to think that I can at least feel in control and not completely psycho about my out there eating habits all the time. I am consciously trying to move away from my weight and eating issues encompassing my whole life and everything I do in it. I feel like I may be entering some sort of a transition period as it pertains to my new(er) lifestyle. I actually think I may eventually be able to feel somewhat normal (normal for my anyway) about how I live to stay healthy now. Perhaps Mrs. Jim (from 3fc) isn't blowing smoke up our asses after all, maybe it really does get easier with time. Go figure. But you know what? No matter how much I try to sugar coat or justify it, the simple fact is, the scale is up a total of five pounds now... holy shit!


Blogger chryscat said...

It's rather like trying to balance with your legs spread across the top of a teeter-totter, isn't it?
You have feelings on both sides. It's hard to balance. And you might get splinters up your ass in the process. Not pleasant.
I know it's a struggle for a "normal" thought process as far as food. Heaven knows I understand that.
But I really do think you're heading in the right direction with this.
Five pounds? Yes. But you're keeping an eye on it, and I'm sure you'll keep control of what you need to.

Bev: I wish you balance, strength, and health in the New Year.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Dawnyal said...

Girl you are doing so well with this putting some back on. It sounds like you do have it under control.

LOL @ Chrys on the teeter totter. That's a great analogy.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Gardenwife said...

I worry about getting down to my goal and dealing with the maintenance part. I used to think that would be the easy point, but that's where the challenge of figuring out what works begins. I'm reading your words! :)

9:55 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

I'm not anywhere NEAR maintenance and it scares me!! I'm not far enough along in this journey to need to think about that yet, and I still do! How crazy is that??

But knowing you, you will be able to balance with ease! All the best to you!

2:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found maintenance easy as long as I ate mostly healthy foods and really, really, really paid attention to eating only until I was no longer hungry (as opposed to when I was "full"). It takes amazingly little food to get rid of hunger. I just had to reassure myself that I could eat again whenever I got hungry.

The minute I started to eat past the no longer hungry stage or eat when I wasn't hungry, my weight started to go up.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous Sandi said...

I am very proud of you for having the courage to put a few pounds back on. I know it has to be the crazinest thing in the whole world to try and gain weight after a life of trying to lose.

12:16 PM  

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