Thursday, August 24, 2006

Finally and update on what happened.

Oh come on already, why does this keep happening?!! Yup, I've been discovered... again. And this time it wasn't a blessing in disguise or fate or whatever you want to call it. This time, it was my stepmom, who just happens to be one of the few people besides Bub, whom I've spoken badly of here. CRAP. I took precautions but it happened anyway, and now I must deal with it's aftermath. I've moved my blog because, unlike my mom's side of the family, it's not okay for my dad's side of the family to have access to my inner ramblings. I guess because they're a little too close to home, or a little too close to Bub rather. Not that they'd purposely direct him here, but accidents do happen. Plus, I don't much feel like letting it all hang out for my entire extended family, old high school classmates, and the little old ladies at the hair salon "in town". Well, maybe that's stretching it a bit, but you get the picture. Anyway, what's done is done, and now I have to deal with it. At least I think I will anyway... eventually. But right now she wont even respond to me, so I'm just giving her space and waiting to see if she ever plans to speak to me again.

The fact that she won't respond to me really doesn’t surprise me, as that is typical of her. And I’ve decided that although I’m deeply sorry for having hurt her so, I just can’t continue kicking myself over something that’s too late to change. Sure, I wish she never had to endure the pain of reading my honest opinions, as they were never intended for her to know. Some things you just keep to yourself in the interest of getting along, especially when it comes to family. Just like how I would never tell my MIL that everyone knows she cheats when we all play cards, or that Em finds her horribly annoying. BTW, no chance of her ever finding this blog, as she thinks computers and the internet are evil and would never entertain the idea of using them for anything, thank goodness!! ;D So, I guess my point is, what’s done is done, and if she wants to talk about it and allow me to try to mend the relationship, I will. If not, then so be it, I’m certainly not going to beg. Shit happens, that’s life.

I had hoped, directly afterwards, that this could somehow pave the way for a renewed and deepened relationship with her and my dad, as we’ve never been close, rather always somewhat guarded and perhaps a bit uncomfortable around each other. I had grand ideas that maybe this too was fate and just the catalyst we needed to form a more authentic relationship. But as the days have gone by without even an acknowledgement from her, I’ve begun to wonder if this really is it, if our relationship is indeed irreparable. I guess only time will tell. But as for now, I’ve left the ball in her court, stating that when/if she’s ready or willing to talk, that I’ll be here. If not? Well… see above.

Anyway, on to other news. School started this week, woohoo!! The first day was nerve wracking for Em of cousre, with the uncertainty and self doubt of all that is new and unexpected. But by the time the day was through, she was a bouncing happy girl, full of excitment and anticipitation for what she expects to be a fabulous year. She loves her teacher, Ms. Young (an avid reader, after Em's own heart) and is excited about the new friends she is making (and old friendships she is mending) in her class.

So, here's some pics from her first day of fourth grade. Her shirt says "Treat me like an angel." Teehee, I couldn't resist! And, of course, I just have to point out the pretty pink earrings gracing her newly pierced ears. Also, you may notice there in the background of the second shot is Mischief (AKA Precious) watching intently from the window, one of his favorite spots.

Anyway, I'm sure there's so much more to tell, but it's been a difficult week and I'm calling myself lucky to have even gotten this far with my post. I don't know what my deal is but I've just been mopey and down, and unbelievably busy. So I'm feeling a little overwhelmed (what else is new?) and quite frankly, not wanting to deal with much of anything. I have decided that I'm done with this slacking off in the eats department, cuz I just don't wanna do it anymore. I've committed myself to a binge free week (which I have lived up to so far) and plan to continue to do so from now on, one week at a time. I've also been contemplating joining OA. Although I'm not one for all that higher power mumbo jumbo, they say that this "higher power" can be whatever you make of it, not necessariy some sort of a god or whatever you want to call it. Plus, I think the real life support and accountability might do me some good. I think I need to be able to connect with others going through the same things as I am, but in real life as opposed to online. Which, in itself, is a major step for me knowing how truly anti-social I really am. So, although I dearly love my 3fc, there's just something different about sitting in the same room with people, sharing common experiences and feelings. Anyway, the only problem now is finding a meeting close enough to attend, so I can check this OA thing out and see if it's really for me or not. Apparently they used to have meetings in my town, but the group dried up and a new one has not yet been started. But the lady I spoke with said that she thinks another one will be forming shortly and asked me to call back in a few weeks to see. Otherwise, I would have to drive all the way to Little Rock (30 min away) to find a meeting, and knowing me, I just won't do that consistantly. So I guess I'm just gonna wait and see what happens in a few weeks, and then make my decision from there. Either way, I feel I need to find something, so maybe TOPS or one of the others would fit my needs if OA doesn't work out. We'll see, and I'll update more on this as it comes. Anyway, that's all for now, as there is always work to be done, yippee. ;D


Anonymous Dawnyal said...

Em looks so good in her new clothes and earrings. Sounds like she is fitting right back in.

It sounds like you have the right attitude about your stepmom. Sometimes you just need time.

You might also check out TOPS. (Taking off pounds sensibly). They have those more readily around here and they don't profess to a higher power or have any set way of losing weight.

3:32 PM  
Anonymous Jilly said...

I was kind of hoping you would've heard from your stepmom by now, if for no other reason than you'd know where you stand, but I guess you'll just have to give it time and see what happens. Have you talked to your dad about it at all?

As you know, I'm a firm believer in group help when it comes to weight control and I've formed many long-standing friendships at Weight Watchers, to go along with my dear friends from 3fc. Go ahead and give OA or TOPS a try ... I have a feeling you'll be the quiet one at the back for a very short time and then quickly become a vocal member (the shyness faded pretty quickly in Chicago ;)

Em looks adorable, as usual!

1:04 AM  
Anonymous Alex said...

So glad you're not dwelling on the situation with your stepmom. But, in your defense, you never mentioned her by name and she needs to realize that you two have never had a great relationship and it's your personal, seemingly anonymous blob! and...well... the truth can sometimes hurt. Deal with it! <---you can tell her I said that. ;-D

With the mopyness and general feeling down...Could it be hormones? I know you didn't have to deal with pesky Aunt Flo for a long time. But, many tend to forget that fatigue is a major symptom. It's the strongest PMS symptom I have to deal with. The only part that gets me through it successfully is the knowledge that it'll be over next week.

Em looks like a rockstar!

9:22 PM  

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