Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Work in progress?

We're feeling sad and a little rejected today. Momma kitty, Whiskers, has decided to move her babies to an undisclosed location. Perhaps she caught wind of our dastardly plan to break up the happy family at the time of their weaning, or maybe the sound of the lawn mower yesterday afternoon just scared the shit out of her so she snatched the kittens and ran! Either way, she is gone, and my baby is heart broken. I had to chuckle a bit when I realized that she had even taken her little food bowl with her, as if she assumes that the food will somehow materialize in the dish each morning as it has everyday since her arrival on our doorstep. Maybe, when she realizes that it's not so easy out there on "the cold, hard streets", she'll return to us with kittens in tow. I feel sort of like the anxious mother of a wayward, runaway teen. I know she can handle herself and her babies, but I wish they were here so I can make sure they're safe and cared for. Plus, I was really sort of looking forward to getting her all fixed up at the Vet's and making her a permanent part of the family. Sigh...

I'm not feeling all that well today, not as impossibly fat as I was feeling yesterday, (thank goodness!) rather a little headachey and out of sorts. I really ought to be working right now, yet here I am, procrastinating as much as humanly possible. I find it quite difficult to concentrate and think clearly when I'm feeling this way, so I tend to put things off until the last possible minute. Of course my procrastination is not only connected to feeling badly, it's a nasty little habit I've always struggled with, and has gotten me into trouble more times than I care to remember. It was especially present in school where I almost never completed my homework, and spent many a late night frantically trying to pull some lame book report or such a thing out of my ass. It's a wonder I was able to graduate at all! I did manage to pull it together during my last two years of high school and maintained and almost perfect GPA. Yet the damage I had previously done was far too great to salvage my overall GPA, which, in turn disqualified me for the scholarship I had been offered in reward for my above average ACT score. That was one hard pill to swallow, lemme tell ya, yet it was completely justified and I could blame no one but myself. Funny how my obesity seemed to parallel everything else in my life in that respect. And the bad habits that contributed to my obesity were also the very things at the basis of most of my wrong turns in life. Yet those core personality problems, the ones that affect nearly every aspect of my life, are still ever present, perhaps just managed in a different way now? But clearly something that still needs working on. That's what I am, I guess, an ongoing work in progress. I can only wonder what the finished product will end up being?


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