Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Yeah, more rambling.

We went to see that new Charlie And The Chocolate Factory at the dollar theater on Sunday, and well, it was just weird! Kind of creepy in a deranged, dude needs to be medicated sort of way. I realize that the first one was pretty weird too, and maybe this is just my intense dislike of change coming through, but I really didn't enjoy it like I'd hoped I would. Em liked it a lot, said the songs that the freaky little identical Oompa Loompas sang were much better in this one, (I disagree!) but whatever, as long as she enjoyed it, that's all that really mattered to me anyway. I just don't think I'll be watching this version again.

We also went to a few of the mobil home dealerships in our area to tour the newest and latest homes and see what kind of cool stuff they have in them. I used to love doing something similar growing up in CA. As each new subdivision sprouted up, so came the model homes that you are allowed to tour to get an idea of the different floor plans being offered. My mom and I always loved to spend a Saturday roaming through the beautifully decorated houses, checking out the newest trends and picking out what we would do with each of the rooms. But since model homes don't seem to have caught on around here, I have become quite satisfied with touring the mobil homes instead. I LOVE all the amenities you can get in these new ones! These things have the BEST kitchens and master baths, and all the stuff you would love in a regular house, but at a fraction of the price. In fact, I'm sure a house with all these amenities would run an easy 150-200 k, yet the loaded mobil homes are like 50-80 k. Too bad the city I live in won't allow mobil homes within city limits, because if it weren't for that, I think we would definitely consider it. We're just not willing to live outside of the city for various reasons, so I guess just looking and wishful thinking will have to suffice. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm just not gonna be able to get all the really nice amenities I want in the kind of standard house that we could actually afford if we're ever able to buy one. But that's okay, it's just stuff, and we could always work our way up, I hope!

Anyway, things are still going smoothly around here. Bub's still getting up and going to work on time every day, and our communication has shown some remarkable improvement, IMO. But I'm still sitting on pins and needles, my pessimistic nature just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know I shouldn't be this way, but after so many years of uncertainty, I really don't see how I can help it for now. I'm sure it'll get better, and hopefully I'll be able to relax a bit.

We finally gave away another kitten this weekend, so now we are only left with one; Precious. I dunno, we may go ahead and hang onto her for a while, she's not nearly as rowdy as the other one was, so maybe it wouldn't be soooooo bad to keep one little kitten around. We'll see, but I am gonna give it a little time to determine just how I can expect her to act without any other rambunctious little kitties around to egg her on. Who knows, maybe she'll end up settling in quite nicely?

In other news, I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to get all of my regular exercise in on the weekends, now that Bub is around more and wanting to do more stuff. I still usually get all of my morning and evening Gazelle time in, but my weights and crunches seem to get the short end of the stick, come Saturday and Sunday. I know it's not imperative that I do everything, every single day of the week, but that's what I'm used to, and you all know how I am about my bloody routines! Which brings me to yet another topic. Man, am I rambling about a whole bunch of crap today, or what? Anyway, I've been thinking about the role my somewhat obsessive need for structure has played in my weight loss and maintenance thus far. I've certainly never been so disciplined in the past, especially in relation to my health and weight loss. So I can't help but wonder what exactly triggered it in me this time? I mean, I guess it's always better to be obsessive about healthy eating and regular exercise than it is to be about binging or fueling any number of other destructive addictions, but I'm sure that I must also appear somewhat fanatical in my quest to get and stay healthy. I guess it all correlates to the addictive qualities of my personality. Not to say that I've ever been a raging alcoholic or coke fiend, but I've taken full advantage of my fair share of destructive behaviors. With food and laziness, first and foremost of course, but I also started smoking, drinking and drugging and an extremely young age, (10-12) as well as being sexually active, and in all honesty, quite promiscuous, even before the substance abuse ever started. Now, I realize that my promiscuity was a completely natural progression from a very early introduction to sexuality as a whole. And because of that, I readily made myself available to an environment conducive of substance abuse. I.E. the easy girl attracted the older guys, which, in turn, provided easy access to drugs and alcohol. Plus, that fact that I've always been such a follower didn't do much for my ability stand against peer pressure, and because all I ever really wanted to do in the first place was to fit in, and not be singled out. Anyway, the point I've been meaning to make, yet rambling all around instead, was that if it weren't for the addictive qualities that I seem to possess, then I don't think I would have been so successful in my new, non-destructive addiction to my health and weight loss/maintenance. If I weren't so diligent and structured about my new lifestyle, then I can see how easy it would be to slip right back into my nasty old habits. It's as if I have to be this rigid in order to hold myself accountable and produce a no-fail environment. I know for myself, how easily I tend to give up when I feel as though everything is not running smoothly. So what I've done here is set up a new basis from which I run my life, complete with controls and back up plans set firmly in place. This way I know that I have alternatives when unexpected things inevitably arise. My only problem is, WTF am I gonna do when something happens that can't be planned for? That will be the true test of how well I've assimilated to this new lifestyle. When something happens to throw me completely out of whack, and mess up every routine, plan or control I have in place, well then we'll see just how well I've become equipped to handle life's inevitable curve balls. And damn if that isn't a freakin scary notion! Good grief, I certainly didn't need to go there right now. You see what my stinking thinking gets me? Nuttin but trouble I tell ya! You'll have to excuse me, as I must go bury my head in the sand for a bit! JK! ;D

2 Comments:

Blogger Dawnyal said...

I haven't really wanted to see the new movie because I loved the old one and how can you replace Gene Wilder? We may watch it when it comes out on DVD.

Good to hear things are still smooth sailing and you gave away one more kitty.

It sounds like to me you have backup plans of your backup plan and that should something come out of left field you would still be prepared. As for your exercise on the weekends I don't know what to tell you. You might see if he wants to do it with you . :D

9:51 AM  
Anonymous Jilly said...

Ahhh the follies of youth. When it was happening we gave little thought to the motivation behind our actions or the consequences ~ we were young and the future was so far away. But then, that's what youth is all about, isn't it? Learning experiences and figuring out whether we're going to wallow in unhealthy activities into adulthood or come to our senses and become fine, upstanding citizens who cringe at the memories. You've certainly shown the strength of character to leave that sordid past behind, and you did learn from it ~ you learned that you're capable of turning your life around, of focusing on bettering yourself, both physically and emotionally, and it most likely contributed to you becoming a loving, caring mother who'll go out of her way to make sure her own daughter has different learning experiences to draw on. Granted, some of those earlier childhood/teen experiences have shaped you in less positive ways (i.e. being too dependant on how others view you and your willingness to accept less than what you deserve), but as you say, you're a work in progress and I see progress almost daily as I read your blog.

Well, I have more to say (as usual) but its time to hit the road again! This time I'll be more careful and try not to be caught eating ice cream during TV coverage :D "See" you next week!

12:30 PM  

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