Sunday, February 12, 2006

Chocoholics Dream Night Out

Shhhhhh, this is where Em and I spent our Friday evening. (If you are unable to view, it's a promo for Chocoholics Dream Night Out, all the chocolate you can eat! benefiting our local humane society) Don't tell, but I don't think anyone knew that trapped inside this decidedly scrawny looking, thinly skin covered body, lurked an (albeit reformed) complete and utter raving chocoholic lunatic. One who, unbeknownst to this unsuspecting crowd, was about to be unleashed in all of her sweet toothed glory. I don't think anyone took much notice as they were quite busy themselves, stuffing mounds of ooey gooey decadent chocolate goodness down their own shameless throats. But I still felt like a fake and an imposter nonetheless. What was I, this self proclaimed health nut, reformed junk food junkie, and hater of all things containing refined sugars and trans fats, doing at a virtual chocolate buffet? Yes, that's right, a chocolate buffet. Picture long tables covered in every deep, rich, chocolate concoction imaginable. Chocolate caramel brownies, layered bars, cookies, rich fudgy cakes, chocolate covered peanut butter balls, nuts and candies, etc. And de piece de resistance? A free flowing milk chocolate fountain complete with various chunks and tidbits such as strawberries, marshmallows, pretzels, etc. to spear and coat thoroughly with the evil, melty liquid sweetness. And no, in case you were wondering, this former fat chick managed to exhibit some semblance of self control, and did not, at any point, "Suzanne" (TBL) the chocolate fountain to lap up every last remaining delightful drop. Anyway, I'm sure you get the picture; if it contained chocolate, it was probably there. So, are you wondering what kind of sadistic aliens would decide to travel to our humble little world for the sole purpose of kidnapping and forcing this former fat chick into consuming copious amounts chocolate? Yeah, me too! And just as a warning, 3fc'ers beware, I happen to know for a fact that these very aliens have been making the rounds at our safe little abode, and implementing various dastardly plans of attack. They've even been known to lurk around Applebee's, and other such fine eating establishments as well, right Sandi?? ;D Those damn aliens and their evil master plans! Anyway, so you're thinking, (as was I) has she learned nothing over the last 3-4 years? Isn't it against the rules for her to partake in this kind of indulgence now? Is this merely a sign of more ominous trouble to come? Just a matter of time before the statistics ring true, and she joins the countless other successful weight reducers in the almost inevitable end result of relapse and regain, right? Well... no, by god, that's not the case at all! Sure, it may have been likened to shoving an alcoholic into a liquor store and saying, have at it, but don't forget your 12 steps while you're in there. No, I went into it knowing full well that there was no possibility of "being good", I mean c'mon, a freakin' chocolate buffet! Frankly, we just skipped dinner, as I saw no real point in compounding the monumental damage of the calories we were sure to consume. So, in essence, yes, we ate chocolate for dinner, so shoot me. Anyway, I gave some thought to what this type of behavior may mean to my new way of life. If this was merely a ploy from my evil inner fat chick to destroy my hard won habits in an effort to send me spiraling into relapse? Woohoo! Score one for the inner fat chick! That bitch has been looking for an in for years now. Or could I now safely view this rare adventure into overindulgence as a special treat that I, like any other human being on the planet (chocolate haters and allergics notwithstanding, of course) has the right and perhaps obligation to partake of every once in a while? Is it okay for me to disregard the fact that I am not like all those people who can safely enjoy these kinds of special treats without it triggering an uncontrollable reaction due to a highly food addicted personality? Hmmmm, good question. Was it wrong of me? Well... no, not wrong, per say. Was it a poor choice? Perhaps... Was it my choice to make? Abso-freakin'-lutely. But... did I wake up the next morning right back in that place of addictive, binge frenzy, with no motivation or expectation of getting right back on plan? No way Jose! The day started out like any other, with nary a thought of all my hard work being for naught. Granted, I (over)indulged, yes, I thoroughly enjoyed several deeply rich and decadent treats (almost to the point of repulsion), probably consumed an unimaginable amount of calories, and yet the next morning did not find me 190 lbs. heavier, nor did it reiterate the addicted mind set of said 190 lb. heavier woman. Progress perhaps? Evolution, a new phase in this maintenance journey? I dunno. A little insight into what I can only assume is more of a feeling of normalcy? Hmmmm, maybe...? Unless the ensuing over-analyzing of said "normal" behavior completely counteracts it's inherent normalcy, but hey, one step at a time, k?! ;D My point is, that even as recently as a year ago, I never would have even considered taking part in such an event. Yet I don't view my involvement as a sign of weakness or a prelude to my eventual relapse and regain. I was able to consider it from the point of it being a very rare, special occasion. I enjoyed myself, indulged in treats that I rarely, if ever, allow to pass my lips anymore, and I managed it all without the usual dieter's remorse or self loathing and punishment that would have completely consumed me in years past. Soooo... I either gave into an almost irresistible chocolate lovers delight, while compromising my newfound stance on health and fitness along with my ever so fragile "sobriety", oooooooor, I ate some fucking chocolate, made myself a little sick in doing so, and went right back to my new "normal" way of life like it was no big freakin deal. Hmmm, either way, what's done is done, and I'm okay with that. If nothing else, that, right there, is progress. :D


Anonymous Jilly said...

You over-indulged and then went back to regular eating the next day without continuing the binge or feeling guilty or giving it much thought other than to blog the event? You enjoyed a treat without going off the deep-end or obsessing over what you ate, why you ate it or how it will affect your weight? You were "normal"?? Methinks you're truly leaving that nagging old obese mindset far behind and silencing that inner fat chick forever!

2:01 AM  
Blogger Dawnyal said...

Girl you really have grown in the past few months. To indulge in such chocolateness, not beat yourself up over it and go right back to doing what you do without a glance back speaks volumes. WTG.

8:51 AM  
Blogger chryscat said...

Wow Bev!
Good for you! I mean it! GOOD FOR YOU!
You know, I've seen those chocaholic things on tv.
And I mean, DAMN! How pretty was it? LOL
I think you're doing great. And by God, we all need a little indulgence every once in awhile.

4:56 PM  
Anonymous HeatherW said...

No explanations necessary! I think that naturally skinny ladies indulge from time to time. I think the key is that they compensate for it by eating less after and before,.etc. I read an article about that once.. that skinny people compensate for bad food choices whereas most heavy people don't do that as much.

Also, it was for a good cause,..LOL

9:24 AM  
Blogger WifeMomChocoholic said...

WTG!!!! You didn't succumb to "last supper" mentality! It was just one meal, just one evening. Life goes on as usual.

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Sandi said...

And you didn't invite me!!!!!!

9:58 PM  

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