Friday, February 17, 2006

Personal Indignities

Personal indignities. #6 in the third paragraph, as grounds for divorce by Arkansas state law. That's what it says; personal indignities. Could there possibly be a more appropriate term? (Thank you for the links BTW, anonymous, very very helpful and greatly appreciated) Seriously though, personal indignities? I mean, do I really want to go there? What about irreconcilable differences? That sounds like a nice, undiscerning reason, why can't Arkansas have that one on the books? You see, on the one hand, I'd like nothing more than to shout from the rooftops about all of crazy, humiliating, intimidating, bullshit we've been living with for all these years. But on the other hand, it seems easier to just leave it as my not being in love with the jerk anymore in an effort to avoid the swift and unmerciful retaliation that he would undoubtedly seek to launch. I need this to be as quick and painless as possible. Em needs this to be as quick and painless as possible. I am simply unwilling to put her through anything more than what is absolutely necessary. I can't just come out of the gates slinging accusations, however valid and justified they may be, because it would only prove to evoke his wrath, thus dragging this thing out indefinitely while making our lives even more of a miserable living hell. If I can at all avoid a character assassination, I think I should. But, I will defend myself if it becomes necessary, which it likely would, knowing him. But that's why I'm hesitant try to accurately voice my reasons to him, as he would only view them as insult and blame, and well... let's just say, hell hath no fury as a Bubba scorned. I do have some ammunition, if needed however. I've been able to record a few "conversations", which I will use to my advantage if necessary. But I'd prefer not. I'd prefer to just take the responsibility for falling out of love and making some really stupid choices, and let him continue to think that I'm just this selfish, unmotivated woman who has always been so willing to give up when the going gets tough. I don't mind playing that part, as long as he will accept my decision be willing to let go of the idea that we can somehow work this out. At this point, I am willing to do what I must to put an end to this hell. I don't need vindication or his validation, I need freedom. That's what matters most. So, would it be so wrong to just claim young and stupid as grounds for divorce, cause that's all it really boils down to anyway? I just don't think I'm up for trying to prove personal indignities or some such thing right now. That's not where I want to go with this. I just want it over and done with so I can start trying to figure out who I really am, rather than the cold, incompetent, judgmental, prudish, lazy, uncaring, selfish, stuck up, disrespectful bad wife and mother that he tells me I am during his neverending rants and "lectures", and who, perhaps, I have actually become to some degree. Honestly, I just want to avoid confrontation at all costs. I've spent years being broken of my natural desire to stand up for myself, and to tell the truth, I've become quite accustomed to it. I don't need to make everyone see him for what he really is, or what my perception of what the real Bub is. I don't need to be the victim here, regardless of how nice and comforting that would certainly be. I don't need to show the world how I've allowed myself to be treated, and what type of personal indignities I've willingly endured for the sake of peace and harmony. In fact, I'd much rather not go into such humiliating details, I mean really, what's the point? If I can somehow accomplish a satisfactory end result without resorting to such personal attacks, then what would it matter why I'm doing it? Just so long as it's done, y'know? I dunno, it just seems easier this way. And we all know how much I like easier when it comes to anything I find even remotely difficult. Hey, what I wouldn't give for one of those "easy" buttons like on the Staples commercials. Ahhhh, the shit I could accomplish with something like that! Hmmmm, what an pleasant, pleasant thought... ;D


Anonymous Emma said...

I'm not in the US, so I don't understand your divorce laws AT ALL. Here, all you need to do to dissolve a marriage is to file a paper to the court stating "Hey, we want a divorce". None of this "grounds" or "reasons". Just "We want to dissolve the contract we made." The court grants this automatically in a matter of days. If there are children in the marriage or if one of the parties refuses to sign the petition to divorce, the court will stipulate a 6 month waiting period. After 6 months the marriage is dissolved (if the parties haven't reconciled, that is). No questions asked, no humiliating details from your home life.

So I don't know - is there any way you can make him go along with ending the marriage without having to in effect "sue for divorce"? I mean, is that even a legal option in your state? If both of you agree to end it, is there really an objective need to drag his and your dirty laundry through the courts? It just seems such a waste of time for the whole justice system - nothing is going to change. I mean, it's not like the court is going to say "Naw, we're not going to dissolve this marriage..." and force you to live together.

I don't know.

I think you summed up your state of mind beautifully in this post. If I were you and looking for a lawyer, I would print out this post and have him/her read it, because that would make them understand where you are at the moment, how you're thinking. Sometimes making that clear to someone over the phone or face to face is difficult.

Good luck to you, I really mean that. And be strong!! :)

9:22 PM  
Blogger chryscat said...

Easy button? Holy shit. If you find some of those bad boys, you really need to share.

As for "personal indignities", I'm simply hoping that Bub doesn't take this and run with it. And he sounds like just that kind of individual. No matter how easy you TRY and make this, he'll try to make it that much harder. So keep the ammo. And if you need to use it, then by God, do it.

6:15 PM  
Anonymous HeatherW said...

I agree with wat chryscat said. It sounds like he is going to make this difficult no matter what or how you do this.

You are strong, you CAN do this!

8:53 PM  
Blogger Dawnyal said...

Yep. I ditto the others. You are making such great progress though in this.

9:30 AM  

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