Wednesday, August 30, 2006

First things first, congratulations to Dawnyal on the birth of baby Nathanial. Ahhh, that sweet baby head smell, there just ain’t nuttin like it. Enjoy it while it lasts my friend, it fades far too quickly.

Next, I went to the only one of the two local TOPS meetings that I’m able to attend (the other conflicts with Em’s gymnastics) on Tuesday, and I have to say, it just wasn’t for me. It was a group of much older women sporting polyester and knitting bags. Not that there’s anything wrong with polyester or knitting, but they’re just not my forte. Anyway, the meetings last much longer than I realized, which simply doesn't work well with my schedule, and the most important thing is that I just didn’t feel comfortable. I’m really looking for a group setting to discuss issues rather than focusing on weigh-ins, guest speakers, and diet plans. That’s why OA appeals to me so much, regardless of the “higher power” stuff. I just want to be able to talk to others who are struggling with the same things I am. But I do have a bit of good news concerning OA; they’ve decided to start holding the meetings in my town again. I guess there was finally enough interest to justify re-organizing the group. So I’m gonna give that a shot and see if it’s something that will benefit me or not. One small drawback though, the damn meetings are to be held on Thursday nights. I mean really, don’t these folks know that Thursday is Survivor night, and now Grey’s Anatomy too? Noooooo! Perhaps I could petition a change to a more convenient day if it does end up being something I want to continue. Surely the other bingers and compulsive eaters are Survivor fans too, right? Teehee, don’tcha love where my priorities lie? ;D Oh well, that’s what VCR’s are for. Ahhhh, what I wouldn’t give for TiVo! Anyway, I’m doing better now. I’ve gotten myself back on plan with regular, thought out meals and snacks, and finally making exercise a priority again. The urge to binge is still present, but I’ve been able to suppress it for the most part this week. I think it’s just gonna take getting back into my old, healthier habits and frame of mind for it to start getting easier. I mean, it’s like I’ve essentially started over on my diet. Not that I’m starting from the same point or anything, but just with the mindset that it takes to finally say enough is enough and get down to business. It’s hard at first, but it does get easier with time and diligence. At least this much I already know. Just like I already know I can do this. After all, I have done it, and I WILL do it again. One day at a time, one day at a time…

Now for my usual Bub update, get ready, you’re gonna LOVE this one! In his neurotic need to plan and prepare for every facet of his life and future (OMG, how I DON’T miss those discussions!) he came up with what he thought to be a simple solution for one of his pressing problems, and actually had the nerve to ask me about it! He wanted to know, if it became necessary for him to move out of town (or state) to secure more reliable employment, would I be willing to pack Em up and follow him! Okay, let me just pause a moment to give you sufficient time to fully absorb what you just read... Yes, he asked if I woul move where ever he moves so that he can stay close to Em. Are you fucking kidding me?! Sure dude, we’ll move away from our home, take Em away from her friends, say goodbye to my family (the ones still speaking to me anyway! ;D) leave everything we know, and blindly follow you so that you can retain control over the daughter who prefers not to be alone in your presence and the soon to be ex wife who felt the need to escape your tyranny like a criminal in the night. Oh what the hell, why not? Teehee, just kidding, did I scare you for a sec there? ;D Ummmm, no Bub, I wouldn’t want to do that, and neither would Em. Of course he tried to reason and logic his way through it. She’s gonna be moving to a new school next year anyway, you’ve (me) never liked living in Arkansas, plus, I (Bub) would never move away from my daughter, so that’s the only way it could work, yadda yadda yadda. Ummmm, okaaay but NO. Now, as you all know, I didn’t dare say it like that, no, I was very sympathetic to his plight, but still stood my ground and remained unwavering in my initial answer. He became quietly annoyed (yes, quietly! :o) while I’m sure all sorts of evil thoughts flitted through his noggin about what an uncooperative, selfish bitch I am, but hey, what else is new, haven’t I always been? And then, to top it all off, he asked again if I was still opposed to the idea of him moving into the same apartment complex as us! Oh c’mon already! He figured, since we “get along and stuff” that maybe I had changed my mind about it. Good lord, the man is clueless. It’s not that I don’t want him that close because we fight, it’s because I don’t want him that fucking close, period! Hellooooo! I mean, can you imagine? Every time he felt like it he could just saunter on over to say howdy. Every time he needed something or a favor or a ride somewhere, every time he wanted to “discuss” something, he’d be RIGHT there. Sorry dude, no can do. Plus, every time Em got pissed at me she could just say I’m going to daddy’s! Uh, no babe, it just doesn’t work that way. Ug, what a completely uncomfortable conversation! But hey, at least I didn’t binge afterwards, so I’d say that’s progress! YAY ME! Damn, look at how excited I am about not freakin’ binging. What the hell has become of me? Oh well, this is me (for right now anyway) so this is what I will deal with and this is what I will celebrate my accomplishments for, however regressed and pathetic they may currently seem to me. What else can I do, y’know?


Anonymous jilly said...

Wow, what a post to digest...

First, congrats Dawnyal on kiddo #3 and best wishes to your whole family!!

Glad to hear you're already back on track on your own, staving off the bingeing and eating proper meals. Tis true, you know how to do this on your own, but support from those who really understand is invaluable. I don't find it in the least pathetic that you celebrate having the strength not to binge during stressful times. Hey, its part of who we've been for a long, long time and something we'll probably always have to deal with. Isn't it nice being "special"? xox

Too bad about the TOPS meeting, I was hoping it'd work out. I have such good experiences with my WW meetings in that the leader was brilliant (funny, cute and very wise), we have a great group (all ages) each with a strong sense of humour and nobody's afraid to come right out and bitch, complain or ask for help. Of course I'm in the front row mouthing off as usual ;) THAT'S the kind of meeting you need and hopefully OA can offer something along those lines.

Bub. Once again I'm reduced to but a few words. Clueless, selfish, dumbass. Nuff said. I'm just so happy that you're able to stand your ground against him so well. Good girl.

12:39 AM  
Blogger Sandi said...

Good Morning!!!

WOW! He really asked if you'd move. Really? Sometimes they just don't get it. I am so very proud of you for standing your ground. You have become so good at that!! :)

I went to TOPS for 4-5 years and gained 40 lbs. Since there isn't one diet plan they seemed to stay away from tips & guidelines. I hope you have some better luck with OA. I think the group feel helps. That's why I always liked 3FC so much.

Em looked so cute in her pics!!!

Congrats on being back on the straight and narrow. One day at a time kiddo!! :)

Sandi :)

10:50 AM  
Anonymous sandy said...

Wow! Bub has some nerve, huh? He really doesn't get it does he. Bev, I am so sympathetic on your binge issues. I am trying desperately to get back on track. A co-worker and I are going to WW every Thursday at lunchtime. So far we seem to be doing okay. I have lost 10 pounds so far and I too am taking it one day at a time.I keep focusing on all that I want to lose and getting very discouraged. It helps to remember "one day at a time"
Em looks so cute in her new outfit. She is a doll.
Hugs to you both

10:59 AM  
Blogger Joc said...

That man is unbelievable. Good on you for standing your ground!!

11:04 PM  
Blogger Luflic said...

Thank you for pm me so I could find you. Just read all the posts that I have missed and wow he is truly a peace of work. By the way your stepmom mentioned you on one of the threads that she was your step mom and she sounded proud of you and positive sorry can't remember the thread.
I too had a situation where I was so mad at myself went to Tim Hortons for lunch with a friend and was ok because used points 4 for a donut the problem was the donut was stale and I ate the entire stinking thing how stupid am I. When will I learn. So glad to be back amongst you! Can't wait to hear about OA perhaps I should look into that. WW is expensive and my meetings are not nearly as great as Jillys

12:51 PM  

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