Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Hmmmm, well isn’t this interesting? I had another smallish Bub incident on Tuesday and either the Paxil is taking affect or I’m just getting used to his idiocy. But since I’m already used to his idiocy then I gotta assume it’s the Paxil. Em decided last minute that she didn’t want him to come trick or treating with us, and I can’t say as I blame her knowing how perfect she’d have to try to be the whole time, as it always has been in previous years. Anyway, she told me this on Tuesday morning and before I had a chance to really think about how I’d handle it, Bub called me to see what our plans for trick or treating would be. Ummm, uh, oh, um, fumble, spurt. Bleh. Needless to say, he was pissed. His immediate reaction was one of hurt feelings, even though one of his biggest assurances is that it wouldn’t hurt his feelings if she doesn’t want him to participate in some activities. So when I reminded him of that fact he quickly made sure to change his story enough to place the blame squarely on me for how crappy he was feeling, as was expected. Yes, I realize that telling him on the day of the event was pretty rude and inconsiderate, especially since we both assumed he’d be going, but apparently I was supposed to have been able to read Em’s mind and figure all of this out last week so he would have plenty of advance notice seeing as how he has such a hopping social life to work around and all. My goodness, between playing World of Warcraft for hours on end and watching movies from his DVD collection of well over 500 titles, it’s a wonder how he even finds the time to bitch at me when I screw up somehow. But by golly, he makes the time! Priorities y’know, gotta love ‘em. Anyway, he bitched and moaned, blamed, guilted, projected and chastised, all the usual stuff, and then he had to go so we hung up, thank goodness! And then it was time for the usual flood of anxiety and overwhelming pressure to somehow fix this and make it all better, right? Except… the real flood never came. Of course I was somewhat anxious, and I did work in earnest to smooth things over, but I didn’t shut down and I didn’t let it prevent me from functioning and working normally. I processed my feelings, dealt with them best I could, and then I was able to let go and remind myself that he can be pissed and that’s okay. It’s not like he’s gonna start a custody war over not getting enough notice on our plans. This is life, shit happens, next time I’ll make sure to find out ahead of time if Em wants to do things differently than normal, and that’s it. Whew! Anyway, he left it up to Em about whether he would still go with us or not, (she chose not) and I did have a talk with her about being more considerate when it comes to making or un-making plans with him, and that’s all she wrote. We went trick or treating by ourselves and had a fun, relaxed time together, just as I always knew we would. Here are some pics, she was a vampiress, or, as she put it, Count Dracula's wife. BTW, I managed to come through the candyfest mostly unscathed. Only 1/2 a tootsie roll and 1 peanut M&M. And neither induced the urge to binge, woohoo!

In other news, I went to Em’s school to read a book aloud to her class today. Her teacher offered an open invitation to all of the parents at the beginning of the year, so I finally decided to take her up on it. I chose one of my and Em’s all time favorite children’s books; Skippyjon Jones. If you haven’t read it, you must, it’s hysterical! The reading went beautifully, I had the entire room of fourth graders totally enthralled with the lively story, and they even cheered and clapped raucously at the end. Woohoo, score one for mom! Em was grinning from ear to ear and I was thankful for the opportunity to participate in this way before it becomes monumentally un-cool to have your mom at school. Something that I’m sure is coming much sooner than I’m prepared for, sigh…


Blogger Dawnyal said...

That's such a great costume. Yay for the way you handled Bub (or rather how you handled you after Bub). Wish I came away as unscathed as you in the halloween candy dept.

3:16 PM  
Anonymous jilly said...

What a little camera diva Em is, she's a natural. Wonderful costume! Glad halloween went well on all levels (fun with Em and without Bub, plus without bingeing ~ I would have lost it over the tootsie rolls for sure).

I'm so glad you didn't stress too much over Bub's carrying on. For heaven's sake, he has to learn the world doesn't revolve around him, that little girls are apt to cause last minute changes and, finally, that you're not responsible for him (or to smooth things over). Honestly, he's more childish than his child!

It may indeed be the paxil, then again, it may just be the passage of time and you adjusting to your new relationship with him. Either way its a step ~ no, leap in the right direction. :)

11:44 PM  
Anonymous alex said...

Great costume! I'm so glad you both had a good Halloween.

I agree with Jilly, it could be the paxil that helped you deal with the situation better. Or it could just be that you're choosing not to get stressed out over somethng you don't really have any control over. Ultimately you don't have any control over how Bub will react to anything... he's essentially the bigger child in this. And now you have to choose: do I want to let his emotions and tantrums get to me and stress me out? Hell no! And if the paxil is helping you get there faster, then fantastic!

12:37 PM  

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