Thursday, October 12, 2006

So I guess I shoulda mentioned that Em stopped going to counseling several weeks ago, huh? Mellany, her counselor, accepted another job offer (with great remorse, but she felt it was something she had to do) and Counseling Associates hired a new person to replace her. But the new person wasn’t in place until after Mellany left and Em never got a chance to meet her first, so she wasn’t real keen on the idea of breaking in the new girl. Also, as Mellany was acutely aware, Em made it a point to almost never discuss the real issues, ie: problems with Bub. No, she’s very pleased with her current state of denial, and mostly chose to only accept guidance on school/friend/social issues. I even asked Mellany once what was the point of continuing if Em refuses to open up about the deeper issues, and she said that it probably wouldn’t be very productive, but at least Em was willing to talk about the surface issues, and she just hoped that was helping Em in her own way. Anyway, Bub, of course, couldn’t stand Em going to counseling every week since he had no control over it, which basically made her going more trouble than it was worth since she wasn’t using it for it’s intended purpose anyway. So when the new girl finally called to set up an appointment, Em said she really didn’t want to go back, and of course, Bub was all for it. I decided I wouldn’t force the issue, so that’s where we are today. Man, was I ever wishing Mellany was still there when Em decided that she wanted to live with Bub part time, it would have totally floored her, I’m sure, cuz the last thing she knew is that Em wanted barely anything to do with the man. Ahh, the good ol’ days, my how times change.

As for the legalities of custody and all that crap, in the interest of appeasing the Bubba monster I’ve agreed to go the 18 months separation/no fault divorce route. Which means that we haven't made anything official and won't go through the court system at all until the 18 months separation is up. This way he doesn’t have to accept any responsibility for being the asshole that he is, and he doesn’t get made out to be the bad guy. Unfortunately, since he can obviously do no wrong, these are the only divorce terms he would be willing to accept without putting up a fight and making my life even more miserable. The truth of the matter is, there is no way in hell he’d ever agree that his behavior or actions were instrumental in the breakup of his family, and if I were to ever try to convince him, or anyone else of that, then he would view it as a personal attack, thus eliciting his spiteful, ruthless wrath. I will not get into a petty pissing match with him, so in an attempt to keep things amicable, I am willing to go along with a lot of ridiculous bullshit, like his belief that he shouldn’t have to pay child support. After all, if Em needs anything all I need to do is ask, right? Whatever dude, I don’t want or need your money (if you had some) anyway. Like my mom said, you can’t squeeze blood from a turnip, and I’m perfectly happy making my own way without any help from him, thank you very much. Anyway, all of this may not be the smartest idea, but it works for us and keeps life worth getting out of bed for in the morning, so that’s what I plan to keep doing. BTW, it’s been almost six months now, only one more year to go, woohoo!!

My doctor’s appointment is tomorrow (Friday), so I’ll update on that when I have some news. I’ve also been speaking with a local health insurance agent about finding an affordable plan. It’s all pretty sucky and not really worth the money, but if I’m gonna have to be going to a doctor regularly and taking prescription medicine, then I figure I’d better do something to help manage the cost. I just keep telling myself that my car will be paid off soon, my car will be paid off soon. I will make this work… one way or another. No need to worry about what might happen if my car up and dies on me, cuz the universe is simply not that cruel… right? Just smile and nod, k? It helps, I swear! ;D


Blogger Sandi said...

Bev - What about counciling for yourself? I mean this has been life changing for you too and after all the years of abuse, maybe having someone to talk to about all this would help. I know you were talking to someone before the split.

When is Em going to "stay" with Bub. Did the details ever get worked out?

Insurance - what a crazy racket. I don't have any either - Thank goodness hub does.

8:29 AM  
Anonymous jilly said...

I think I may have had it easier than you. I didn't want anything from the jerk either and managed to get by financially (sure there were a few sleepless nights, but it passes), but at least I never had to see his face, hear his voice or suffer his stupidity, and was in control of my daughter's life without his interference. However, in retrospect, not having a relationship with her father caused issues for my daughter that she still deals with over 20 years later. So, on one hand I want Em to have contact with bub so she never has to feel her daddy doesn't love her, but, on the other hand, I know neither of them can handle anything more than short-term contact with each other. I'm still convinced both Em and bub will soon realize the current arrangement works better than part-time custody ever could. I guess you just have to be patient. Sigh.

Too bad about Mellany leaving, but if Em wasn't going to open up to someone new and seems to be coping okay at present, then I think its time for you to concentrate on finding a professional to talk to and help you deal with the issues that are making life difficult for you right now. It could very well be a chemical imbalance causing you distress and a prescription for a couple of months just might work wonders.

Worrying about things that haven't even happened is one of my unrational specialties also, so I totally understand, but predict the car will run perfectly at least until the loan's paid off! Make sure you check with the doctor if there's less expensive generic brands available of the med he wants to prescribe (or, better yet, has a months' trial free sample to start you off). I know a lot of pharmaceutical companies supply doctors with a vast array of samples for that purpose.

Hope the appointment with the doctor went well and that you get a chance over the weekend to give us a quick report. (((Bev)))

11:20 PM  

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