Ahhh, Jilly, shall I expound on the joys of living/working in the US without the luxury of health insurance, re: the exorcism of those demons? I did apply to be seen by local income based counseling group but quickly discovered that without being on government assistance or having private health insurance of my own, it was more of a “we’ll call you when…” type of deal. That was five months ago, still no call. I thought it best not to hold my breath.

Anyway, no major temper tantrums from Bub yet, so we wait. The fair was good, it rained, but it was kinda nice because there were no lines for any of the rides. And it wasn’t miserably hot as in past county fairs we’ve been to. Em was brave as ever, trying new rides and discovering instant favorites. I guess her brazenness with the roller coasters at Disney has firmly cemented her new status as thrill seeker extraordinaire. Okay, so maybe I wouldn’t go that far, but considering her intense fear of heights, she sure impressed the hell outta me! Then, on Sunday she decided that she wanted to visit with Bub some more, and actually spent most of the day at his house, WITHOUT ME! Woohoo! I’m hopeful that she’s becoming more used to the idea of spending some time with him without my constant presence. I would certainly like to get to the point where I don’t have to see the man every single weekend just to make her more comfortable. But as long as she needs me to, I will. It sure was nice though, to have the day to myself. I don’t get a lot of those anymore, so I made sure to thoroughly enjoy it! I didn’t do anything noteworthy though, just a lot of slow and lazy window-shopping, simply because I could.

In other news, I managed to find myself eating out at two separate buffets this past weekend and didn’t binge or feel compelled to gorge myself at either one. I certainly ate more than I would’ve, had I been eating my regular food at home, but I didn’t feel out of control, which is major considering my recent struggles. It was a nice feeling, one I’ve missed greatly. But you know what’s funny? Even back when I was allowing myself planned “treat” meals during the weight loss and subsequent maintenance, I stuffed myself silly and always felt like shit afterwards. This time was different. This time I ate small(ish) amounts of just what I wanted, and didn’t feel like I had to keep going back until I couldn’t hold anymore and felt sick to my stomach, which is what those “treat” meals typically ended up like. I’m not sure how much I can count on it yet, but somehow I feel different this week. Perhaps it has something to do with the OA inspired idea of counting my days of abstinence from binging which, BTW, is six days and counting. :) But it’s like I have this voice in my head saying nope, uh-uh, you don’t wanna lose your days and have to start all over do you? And for some reason this seems to matter to me. So hey, let’s just go with it, shall we?

So here’s a totally off topic, no-brainer, but something that’s been rattling around in my noggin, so I figure I might as well yammer about it here. I don’t want to have to work for living. Well duh, right? But seriously, I really don’t. I would be happy as a lark to have my days completely free, to do with as I please. I am certainly not passionate about the work I do; it brings me no joy or sense of fulfillment. I do it to pay the bills, buy some of the crap we want, and because it’s what I’m supposed to do, being a bonafied grown up and all that jazz. But things never seem get done around here because the last thing I want to do is spend my only true free time on the weekends cleaning or doing some other responsible adult like thing. I’d LOVE to be fabulously wealthy, double duh! I’m actually one of those idealistic people who think that maybe, just maybe, Publisher’s Clearing House will come knocking at my door someday, and bring with them the end to my financial woes, along with a buttload of plastic surgery, and the means to live life on my own terms. Sure, I’d still be an anti-social hermit, but at least I’d be a hermit with a clean house! Oh, who the hell am I kidding, my house still wouldn’t be clean no matter how much free time I had. But of course, being a millionaire and all, I suppose that’s what hiring a cleaning service is for, right? ;D