Friday, January 12, 2007

It’s the busy season with my church lady work, so even though I’ve been working on this post all week, I have yet to get it posted until now. It would seem that I would have extra time considering how my second job hasn’t had any work for me all week, ug. This happens every once in a great while, when they are between contracts and don’t have anything for us to do. Typically it doesn’t last very long, maybe a day or two, but this time has been the worst, and quite frankly couldn’t have happened at a worse time. This job only pays for hours worked, no holiday pay or anything, and if the people I’m calling aren’t available, then there’s no point of me calling. So, with the Christmas and New Years holidays, plus the fact that the people I’m supposed to be calling are higher-ups and typically take the days leading up to said holidays off, I’ve been pretty much screwed with regard to getting my normal hours in. And the way our pay periods work, those days plus the first half of this week of almost no work, all happen to fall within the same paycheck, goody. The silver lining is that I’m sure I would have been overwhelmed trying to work my normal hours plus trying to deal with the craziness of church lady busy season right now. So I’ll just be grateful for that and try not to think about my dismal upcoming paycheck from the other guys. One way or another, I’ll make it work, I’m sure of it.

Anyway, on to other news. Get this, simply because we’re now a two person household, and I took on a second part time job that allows me to just make ends meet, I technically make about $300.00 more a year than the allowable annual income it takes for Em to qualify for state health insurance. Obviously, since I’m rolling in the dough now, I should be able to afford private health insurance, right? Puhleeeeeze! Just to be clear, she hasn’t actually been turned down yet or anything, I was just filling out the annual renewal forms, and realized that we no longer technically qualify. Hopefully, since I haven’t been making “the big bucks” (rolls eyes) for a full year, they’ll take that into account when assessing my income. Sheesh. Y’know, I could expound on my views of this country’s extensive shortcomings with regard to medical coverage, prescription drug costs, etc. but I’m honestly not in the mood, so I won’t.

No new tirade from Bub to his boss yet, he probably waited too long and lost his oomph. Bummer, I was so hoping to see what might come next. Oh well, I’ll keep you updated if he ever gets around to it. Speaking of Bub, (oh come on, ya’ll know he’s the never-ending fodder for any of my truly noteworthy blog topics, otherwise each post would consist of kitty tales and fourth grade drama) he called me to feel me out on how agreeable I’d be to keeping up his unlimited access to Em, were he to move away for a job. No, not out of state, (sigh) just not in the same town since there’s not much opportunity here. He wanted to know how far I’d be willing to drive (since I’m the only one who can) several times a week because he’s not willing to just be a “weekend dad”. Not that she’d be real interested in visiting him several nights a week after the initial excitement wore off, or that he’d routinely pull himself away from his computer games or whatever else floats his boat in the same regard, but he just wants to make sure the opportunity is there, and that I’m not going cause problems for him. He needed reassurance that I would be willing to do whatever it takes to allow him the illusion of his father of the year worthiness. So sure Bub, do what you need to do, I’m more than willing to do whatever it takes to make it work, I say as I secretly calculate how long it might take for him to settle into the new norm of a semi long distance relationship with his daughter. ;D I go along, the epitome of a cooperative ex-spouse, because I know what I can expect out of him, and I know that it can only work to my and Em’s advantage in the long run. So he’s appeased, I’m confident, and all is well. Not that there’s an actual job offer or anything, he just wanted to know where I stand before an opportunity presented itself. That’s his way, needing to evaluate and plan out every single aspect of any given, or possible situation, no matter how long it takes. Which is, by far, one of the things I miss least about living with him. Hmmm, would that imply that there are things I miss? Ummmmm, NO! :) Anyway, times like this (when we still lived there), with his impending termination or whatever other crisis was prevalent at the moment, were absolute hell. Every single day held never-ending “discussions” about even the most miniscule aspect of the problem. And if there were even a hint of my not being on the same page, or lack of appropriate responses, or ideas or opinions, then dear god, I can’t even describe it. I’m not sure I can adequately articulate the pure joy and relief I feel when I think about what this past year would have been like for Em and I, had I not gotten us the hell outta there. And to this day, I have a hard time believing that it wasn’t too long ago that I had every intention of staying in that situation indefinitely simply because I didn’t think it was possible or acceptable to get out of it. I was going to spend the rest of my life (or his) with that miserable, miserable man. What the hell was I thinking? There are no answers, I know. It’s just part of the devastating cycle that an emotionally (or otherwise) abusive relationship affords. It makes no sense, unless of course, you’ve lived it. But even then, it boggles the mind.

Alright, alright, church ladies await. And it’s about damn time I get this thing posted anyway! :D


Anonymous paulina said...

I'd tell him that when he's negotiating his new salary, to be sure to figure in the extra added expense of your gas and time spent on the road, so that you can accomodate him when he feels the need for his father of the year visitations.

Good luck with your finances as well. They might be tight, but they are yours now and not under his control any longer. What a great feeling! I know it was for me!

2:38 PM  

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