So, don’t do it eh? Right now I have no legal ground to say what I will and won’t let her do because nothing is yet in writing. And I honestly don’t feel like I have much choice here lest I risk her resenting me for the rest of her life. Plus, I know how it would all end up, its not like this would ever be permanent. I dunno, I guess I just feel like she’s got to learn this one for herself, to realize that perhaps I really am the best choice she has right now. Things are getting back to normal though, now that it’s on him to make it happen rather than me saying it can’t happen. She has chilled out and we’re just going on about our business. I also have a little birdie in my ear telling me its time to quit making nice and start standing up for Em and myself. To finally put an end to this nonsense once and for all and quit worrying about making Bub mad at me all the time. The silly boy is right of course; I’ll never truly be free of Bub unless I toughen up. I went to visit another lawyer last week, a hardass chick who specializes in family law and child custody. Basically Bub wouldn’t stand a chance, which I knew, but it’s nice to hear it nonetheless. She even reduced her retainer fee for me knowing that he would have absolutely no ground to stand on. I didn’t give her the go ahead though because I found her to be an absolute shrew of a woman and I decided I’d rather shop around than be subjected to her crudeness. The first turn off was her chain smoking throughout the consultation. Are people even allowed to do that in offices anymore? Ick.
New chick just found out she has Hepatitis C, which is transmitted through blood, primarily by sharing needles. Karma baby. There’s a chance Bub has it too, though he’ll have to wait to be tested, as it doesn’t show up for at least six months after contact. Don’t ask why he might have it, you don’t wanna know. I’ll just say this; it’s only transmitted through blood, not sexual contact, and he’s never been a needle user. Seriously, you don’t wanna know.
Oh, and get this; he’s still jobless (of course) and they have been trying survive on new chick’s disability (crazy) check. But they are completely out of money and have no food, so the idiot actually had the nerve to ask me if I knew anyone looking to score pills because new chick has prescription narcotics and he thought this might be a good way to earn some grocery money. Um…. Hello? As if I would know anyone who would buy his drugs! Who is this man?? Then he asked if he could borrow the money it would take to get said prescription filled so that the pills could even be sold in the first place. Honestly, I’m not sure what else to say. We didn’t live this seedy life when we were together, so to see where he is now, well, I’m speechless.
But somehow in his head none of this matters because he believes he can still provide a loving home for Em. Because in Bubba world there’s a logical explanation for everything and as long as he believes something to be true, then it is, no questions asked. Perhaps its time for Bubba world to meet the legal world? Now wouldn’t that be a sobering experience?
posted by B @ 11:22 PM
6 Comments:
As I read what you write about Bub and his lifestyle choices... I really have to wonder about WTF your thinking. You can't worry about Em "resenting you for the rest of her life", she won't. You do have to worry about keeping her in a safe and loving environment. Please LISTEN TO THE BIRDIE in your ear. He may be her father but that doesn't mean he is entitled to screw up her life, and he will if she is allowed to live with him.
You know what the right thing to do is, you always have. I can tell you from experience that even though you think she might resent you and in fact she might for a short while, Em will eventually understand that all you did was in her best interest. She will even thank you for it someday. Kids need to see you "fight" for them. When my daughter was older she actually told me that she appreciated the fact that I fought for her and kept her safe. Find a lawyer that you can work with, that will get you what you need to protect you and Em in the future and get on with the legal part of this process. You know what to do, you always have. Stay strong.
Lynn
Thank you Lynn, allow me to clarify. The first part sort of describes how I've been thinking about this situation, you know, the whole trying to keep everybody happy thing that I strive so hard for. The rest shows my shift towards doing what it takes to protect her from an increasingly bizarre and unacceptable lifestyle. I never expected the lows to which he has sunk and I realize that I cannot afford to keep doing the same old thing now that the circumstances have changed so dramatically. So thank you for your candor Lynn, because I too have to wonder WTF I’ve been thinking as well. I’d say its high time for the frog to jump out of that boiling pot of water.
Goodness! WTF indeed! He is a drug dealer, drug user, shiftless, jobless, paracite! Say good bye to him and get Em away from him. No way is he ever going to put himself back together again. whew!
Aunt Sandy
Wow, just when I thought Bub had reached an all time low....you've just narrowly missed that tragedy. And knowing him, he'll blame you for all the trouble he's in now. BUT...you know that's it's all his own doing. He's got way more than enough rope to hang himself now.
Thank GOD you were brave enough to get out of there!!
--Jen
Ugh! I hope you're documenting all of his requests and activities. Yes, she may resent you in the short-term, but, hey, she's not a teenager yet. You won't know what hit you! And you live through it and come out on the other side. You can't worry about pleasing Em--your job is to set the boundaries and raise her to become the great person you know she can be. You know you can't do that by giving in to her whims and not setting any boundaries. Here's to finding yourself a good lawyer and getting away from all the bullshit.
Sheila
Wow, I can't add much to what's already been said. As bad as I knew Bub was, its still shocking how low he's sunk.
I know you still fight against the "keeping everybody happy" mindset, so this isn't easy, but you've already shown us (and yourself) the kind of strength you have. I have faith in you.
Yeah, I think its time to get all your rights and obligations in writing - including custody issues - and put an end to this marriage once and for all. I don't think you can truly move on until then, plus you'll be able to shrug your shoulders and tell Em that the judge ruled against her living with daddy. In fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised, should all this come out in court, if the judge issues a restraining order against him - but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Jill
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