Saturday, July 16, 2005

Well Duh!!

I just realized for the first time that people have actually ready this blog! I was looking through some previous entries and noticed that there were a couple of comments that I never knew about. I now have it set up to email me when ever anyone comments so I never miss another one, but I still missed those few. It's funny how I never really expected anyone to actually read what I write. It's kind of like when you're in your car, ya know? There's that certain amount of anonymity that allows you to belt out your favorite tune with the radio, or pick your nose, cause who's really gonna see you, right? I know in my head that I've thrown this out there into the abyss of cyberspace for any and all to see, but I guess I never really considered what it would be like for others to see and react to it. I wonder if I would have written about different things, had I considered it more thoroughly? Probably, that sounds like something I'd do. Ever conscious of how I appear to others. But I don't want to do that here for some reason, or at least not to the extent I would in my "real" life. This blog is about me allowing myself to honestly speak my mind in a way that I wouldn't normally. I use it as a way to vent my frustrations since I have no other viable outlet at this time, and it has proven to be somewhat therapeutic to me. I'm glad I did this, and that I've chosen to let it all hang out like I have, which is completely out of character for me. I need this, I think, and I see myself learning and growing from the experience. So thank you to those who've commented, it means more to me than you know.


Anonymous Jilly said...

Yes, people actually do read this blog (I just wish I'd found it before now!) and I'm sure they're all as moved by your writings as I am. Please don't question whether you should change anything about what or how you write just because you know people are seeing your words and absorbing your feelings, unless, of course, you don't want people to know how intelligent, thoughtful, caring, sensitive and wise you are. I'm probably in the minority of your readers who's been fortunate enough to actually meet and spend time with you, and I can assure your readers that you're everything in person that your musings here project ~ shy at first, but soon enough the sense of fun emerged and the wit and wisdom prevailed. What the people here can't know is how you carry yourself with such grace, so I want to add that. I know now that you did hold things back, but understand totally it was your intense sense of privacy taking over. I'm so glad you have this outlet now and hope it enables you to open up in public life eventually ~ after all, its not fair to deny others from "finding Beverly" as well! :)

12:47 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Beverly, I can completely understand where you're coming from! I remember when I started my blog a year ago, I knew in my mind that it was feasible that others could read my words and have some opinion about them (and ME!) -- but then when people began to comment, I was just so taken aback! For a little while afterwards I had to consciously avoid self-censure and editing the more negative stuff -- I didn't want to come off as a complainer -- but then I remembered that the whole point of the thing was not to serve others but instead to provide a healthy outlet for me to pour it out, look it over, and refer back to it in reflection. It was -- IS -- for me; it's mine.

When the same commenters returned again and again, I was -- and still am -- just so flattered and humbled by it. Amazingly, those same sweet, caring people have been just so loyal and generous in not only giving me support when I've needed it the most, but also in listening and just being present while I've continued to share honestly. (Active listening within this context is a special skill, developed with usage!)

Anyway, I can't believe that I just realized that you have a blog! (It's Monday, 7/18.) I'm SO excited about this, because I think you're just wonderful, Beverly, and whatever you've got to say....I want to hear.

Sending you love and unconditional support, you sweetheart!

5:20 PM  

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