Monday, June 09, 2008

Well she almost made it a week… almost. The calls came today, “please mommy, don’t make me stay here, I made a huge mistake.” Go figure. I’m making her stay until the weekend cuz I’m mean that way. No really, I just want to fully drive home the point. She needs this to remind her and quite frankly I need the leverage. It was time for this lesson to be learned, necessary in fact. And it may need to be learned again at some point, but that’s ok, because we’ll get through it then too. Mom will always be here cuz that’s what moms do.

Her behavior is my fault of course, isn’t everything? What he fails to realize is that she is him made over. Her willfulness and entitlement, her inability to let things go, and her need to constantly be in control of her world are simply manifestations of his genetic material and her dysfunctional childhood. Magnified of course by the inherently narcissistic tendencies of most adolescents. I desperately want to save her from herself, to keep her from ending up like him. I’m not sure yet if it’s possible, but by god I’m gonna try. I refuse to give up on this child; cuz never giving up is what moms do.

I need another job, or a new job, or something. Man what I wouldn’t give to listen to the church ladies ramble incoherently again. That was such a good gig, especially when combined with this one. I’m trying to hold it together, really I am. And I will, one way or another, I’ll make this work. Why? Well because that’s what moms do of course, lol.

Even after 10+ years I still question whether or not I’m cut out for this mom business, but I suppose at times we all do. One more time, all together now, because that’s what moms do right? That’s what moms do.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're a great mother.

I think one of the most difficult things for a parent is to see fault in the little beings you creat and love so much, and then do what's necessary to save them from letting those faults hurt them in future. You're a credit to her.

I'm glad she caved so quickly (as much for the deplorable living conditions as for getting her away from bub) and I admire your strength in being able to drive home the point. You're right of course, this is leverage.


7:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Things around us - houses, jobs, cars - they're props, they're settings for our love. The things we own, the places we live, the events of our lives, empty settings. How easy to chase after the settings and forget the diamonds.

The only thing that matters at the end of our stay on this earth, is how well did we love, what was the quality of our love?"

-- Richard Bach, from The Bridge Across Forever


1:43 PM  

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