Monday, July 27, 2009

I was happily reading my Patterson novel at lunch in the cafeteria the other day when I overheard a co-worker's conversation with his wife of 40 years. "I just had to tell you how beautiful you looked this morning, I love you so much honey." he said to her with such sweet abandon. "Even after 40 years you're more beautiful now and I love you more than the day we married." The emotion in his voice caught my ear while the utter sincerity in his words reeled me in and held me captive. The conversation went on like this for a few more minutes as I half heartedly pretended to read and re-read the same page in my novel while a few fat tears snaked slowly down my face. He wasn't tying to make up for some indiscretion, this was a typical everyday conversation preceded by talk of appointments and evening plans. He was simply telling the woman he loves how much she means to him for no other reason than his heart telling him to.

There are men in this world who love so deeply and unabashedly, I know there are. The fact that they're generally taken is no surprise to me. And it is my sincere hope that they are taken by deserving and appreciative partners. I do wonder though what it takes to be deserving of such unadulterated love. What will make what I have to offer enough for that kind of all consuming connection? Could it be that we're not all meant for that level of emotion? Despite my belief that there's someone for everyone, you know, soul mates and all that jazz, what if my idea of a soul mate isn't what my future holds? Or maybe I'm telling myself this bullshit so it'll be easier to settle later on. I just want some sincerity. I want to feel needed and appreciated; indispensable if you will. Someone who thinks the sun rises and sets in my ass as Juno's father so eloquently put it.

To be the plan rather than an option... to be worth the sacrifice and uncertainty.


Blogger Sandi said...

I believe that there there is someone for everyone. You'll find your will. You soooo deserve it!

10:23 PM  
Blogger Wien. said...

Ditto what Sandi said.

By the way, welcome back to bloglandia. I kept checking every now and again, just in case...

Happy to see you back, and if you should feel its right, fill us in on Em and what you've been up to...

4:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So good to see you blogging. I believe what Sandi said, too. I was lucky enough to find that kind of love, but I had to take some risks to get there. Definitely worth those risks.


7:05 PM  
Blogger Wien. said...

Checking in again. I think of you and Em often, way back from when you planned and made the big escape. When I have times of doubt I still recall the courage you had and shared with us on that day. Thanks again for that, and please write again to let us know how you two are doing.

12:04 AM  

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