Christmas is so lonely for me now. I miss family Christmases from my childhood. I miss having somewhere to go and people to be with. Even with Bub we had family come visit or to go visit. But now my brother and sil go to her dad's on Christmas, my dad has his own family and Em and I have... each other. It's still not the same though... I was so desperate last Christmas that Em and I actually went to Bub's parents' house just so we'd have family to spend it with. Bub wasn't there of course, and it was nice not to be alone, but it still wasn't what I was looking for. This year we just stayed home, and I thought I would be okay, but the lonliness has set in so here I am. I don't want to spend anymore Christmases alone; I don't want to spend anymore anythings alone. The coming year is going to be one of change for me. It seems I need to do that every so often just to shake things up and give myself some purpose so now it's time again.