I’m desperately trying not to let myself get overwhelmed but my god, what a week! I’ve gotten used to the ebb and flow, classes in the morning, work the rest of the day, then the endless reading. But my time management skills certainly aren’t the best, so the sheer amount of crap to be done each day, well… it’s a bit much for me. Not unexpected though, just tough. I love my writing class; it’s by far the most fun. We were assigned to write a narrative about something we’re passionate about, as long as it was a significant event in our lives and it really happened to us, but pretty much it could be about anything. She said one chick even wrote about having her "hood" pierced, which I refuse to explain here, but Google is but only a click away to those of you who simply must know. So something I’m passionate about huh? Realizing that I must be far from over the trauma of my great escape, that topic was the first to pop into my head so I chose to use it. Perhaps a bit heavy for our first assignment, but it felt right so I went with it. I’m anxious to get feedback on it, and I promise to post what I hear, good or bad. Even if she says, “dayum girl, you were just supposed to write about the first time you drove a car!” or some shit like that. Either way, it was cathartic writing it out the way I did, so for that reason I’d say it served its purpose. It’s specifically about the day of the great escape and all that the day entailed, which I don’t mind sharing with anyone who’s interested, so just let me know.

Anyway, Sunday is Em’s big 10th birthday. We’re having a small party here with just some of her friends, which she requested and quite frankly I’m grateful for. Last year all I heard about was how Bub didn’t want to have to be in the same room as my family, and how we were gonna have to come up with something different next year because everything is always all about him, of course. I remember saying, in my gentle, non-confrontational way, so as not to get him started, how this wasn’t really about what he wants since its Em’s birthday party. And I swear to you, the concept went completely over his head. Not even an acknowledgment, just more about what an inconvenience it was to him. Idiot.

So I need to get busy cleaning house, and mentally preparing myself for five tween girls hyped up on cake and Twister. I tried to talk her into party games like pin the tail on the donkey but that’s still decidedly uncool. Even though I know it will eventually be uncool enough to be cool again… at some point. I also got her ears pierced a second time as a birthday present to her. But I told her that was it, she certainly doesn’t need anymore holes in her head!

I’m also about to let momma bear loose and raise a stink at her new school. They started all of the kids out on regular schedules with the intention of moving them to GT (gifted & talented) classes once they were certain who would qualify for what. Well, in that time Em has grown exceptionally fond of her regular math class and teacher and she’s actually enjoying math for the first time… ever. So when the form came home indicating that she did indeed qualify for GT math (and reading) I marked the box saying no, do not put my child in GT math. I mean I’d rather have her enjoy the class and do well rather than just get by in a class she’s not happy in. There’s time to worry about taking advanced placement classes, but right now I just want her to embrace a love of learning, which unfortunately I never did… until now. So anyway, the new schedules came home today and guess who got switched to GT math? Yep, and lemme tell ya, I was not a happy camper! Neither was she, thinking that there wasn’t anything we could do about it since they just switched her despite my wishes. But I assured her that would definitely not be the case cuz mom can ALWAYS do something about it. See what I mean, momma bear, grrrrr! ;-)

Tail between my legs as I sheepishly crawl back to this forsaken world of blogging, with the love, support, wisdom and kindness those within have bestowed upon me during my greatest moments of joy, fear, excitement and sorrow.

But will they still have me? My fearful mind wonders. Of course they will, the stronger resoundingly declares. Have you forgotten so easily the acceptance they’ve unconditionally lavished on you? They will always be there, quietly watching and knowing with impish certainty that you are indeed, finally on the right path.

And what a path it has and will continue to be…

I started my college courses this week. Psych, World History, Government & Politics, and College Writing. So far only World History scares the shit outta me, but that’s only so far. My WH professor has a lovely Irish accent (I do love me an accent) and a very dry sense of humor, which goes perfectly with his hard ass attitude and displeasure of ever having to read “rubbish” of any sort. And rubbish he’ll have I’m sure; as all tests and quizzes are to be in the form of essays… yes, essays. What the hell have I gotten myself into? Just breathe...

So what else is new? It’s been a long, loooooong summer, but Em finally started fifth grade this week as well. She’s switching classes now, making new friends, riding the bus to and fro, and building her independence at lightening speed. She’ll be ten in a few weeks… double digits… a tween. What the hell have I gotten myself into? Just breathe...

Bub has officially secured his lifetime membership in Loserville, hitting all time lows, the likes of which I never thought possible. He’s spiraling now, having lost all sense of the control he once so desperately coveted. It’s sad really, to watch someone crash and burn this way, regardless of how I feel about the person, I can’t help but feel sorry for him and the mess he’s made of his life. Perhaps I wear my heart too readily on my sleeve, especially considering the hell he so easily inflicted upon us, but I cannot help but feel compassion for the human being so obviously in chaos. He’s apologized y’know, during a desperate phone call full of pain and confusion. He apologized for being the way he “was”, wondering how I… we ever could have lived with him like that. It sent me into a tailspin at first, the acknowledgment of so many wrongs that can never be righted, but time has worn on, and quite frankly I’ve heard it all before. "I think I’m starting to get it now" he says. No Bub, you’ll never “get it”. But that’s okay; I’ve long since given up that particular need. There is no talk of reconciliation, just so ya'll know, its not like that in the slightest. I’ve closed that door, shredded it Monsters style, except this one never to be reopened, not even by the likes of Sully or Mike. He’s just desperate to talk... to anyone who'll listen, and since I'm the one who knows him best he’s come to lean on me in his new state of weakness. How ironic that I’ve somehow transformed into the stronger of the two. Except for the small little fact that I’ve come to let him lean on me in my own weakness as I’ve yet to learn how not to. Dear god, what the hell have I gotten myself into? Breathe; just breathe croons Anna Nalick, somehow grasping just how difficult the involuntary action can prove to be at times.

Melodramatic? Who me? Naaaaaah! Merely thoughtful lately, nothing more...