Bub’s back. He’s in a nasty little crime-ridden, drug-infested trailer park.. the only place that would take him with no reference or credit check and no deposit. How he plans to pay the rent next month I haven’t a clue, nor do I care. It was one thing after another before the move as he scurried about trying to pull his shit together. Can we stay at your place one or two nights? No. Can I use your credit card to secure the U-haul? No. Would you come get us in your van, I’ll pay you? Ha, suuuuuure! No. Can we borrow your van when we get into town? No. Can you? No. Will you? No. Have you? NO!!! Each met with a petulant ok, fine or whatever.

I’m tired. Work started back up in earnest this week… then stopped again. The project got temporarily put on hold because of some technical issues but we should be back to business by Monday. It’s funny, after my first real day back I realized that I had almost forgotten what it was like to work for a living. I certainly did enjoy my bum status while it lasted, except of course for those pesky bills that still needed paying. Hmm, oh yeah… those. But that’s what student loans are for right?

I’m getting into the swing of my first major research paper, this should be interesting. I’m researching the effects of implanted or false memories on patients, their families, and the psychiatric community. This was the topic of a much smaller paper I wrote last semester in psych so I’m using that as my starting point and delving in much deeper with this paper. I figured it couldn’t hurt to expand on something that I already had resources for, especially since I didn’t get to take it nearly as far as I would have liked in the smaller paper last semester. All else seems to be going well. I’m still plugging along and thoroughly enjoying the social interaction and semi-adult conversations. No, I don’t mean X-rated… well, most of the time. ;-)

Speaking of X-rated, it seems that new chick’s 18-year-old son has a “thing” for me. Um, ewwwww! He’s a cute kid and sweet and all but OMFG! Seriously awkward and creepy. He thinks I’m a MILF apparently, gee, how nice to know. I think I’ll stick with grown-ups though, thank you very much. Bub thinks it’s hilarious of course and eggs him on all the time. Lovely.

We got hit with some major wind here yesterday. Enough to send a good patch of my shingles flying and to take my mailbox off its post. Most of the houses in my area had minor to significant roof damage, luckily mine was on the minor side. I’ve found this wonderful local handyman who works fast and cheap so I called him and he was able to come out today and fix it in under 30 minutes for only $55.00. I also used him to fix my disposal and the front toilet last month for only $50.00, and on Christmas Eve no less! Talk about a deal. I’ve told him that he’s my guy for everything and that I’ll call him first. It seems the whole state got in on the action; below is a pic of my sil’s house, about 40 miles away.


Luckily it missed everything important, thank goodness!! Its funny too, she told me that they had already been talking about getting that tree removed… so there ya go! Karma baby. ;-)

Wait, there's more...

He actually had the audacity to ask me if he could “borrow” my address in order to file for unemployment today. Since he’ll cease to have a viable address in the very near future he thought he’d just use mine instead. Um, hellooooooo? So I quickly began listing off all of the other alternatives he could go with, none of which were acceptable because none were what he wanted from me. In the end I simply said I’m sorry Bub, I just don’t feel comfortable with that, which was met with stunned silence as he waited for me to acquiesce like I was supposed to do. I didn’t. Then, knowing how intense his displeasure for me likely was at that moment, I asked, “was that all you needed?” “Um… I guess so.” dripping with contempt and still awaiting my compliance. Me- Okay, bye! Him- Whatever. Eeeeek! I’m sure I’ll get it for that one but dayum! As if I need to be caught up any further in his ever-evolving web of deceit. Especially since the FBI is probably watching my every move already. Just kidding, I’m sure they’re not really watching me… right?

I also decided it was best not to mention the fact that he wouldn't likely qualify for unemployment benefits anyway since he always engineers it so that he's a contractor rather than a full time employee. Nothing can be garnished from his wages that way and he doesn't bother to file taxes anyway so its always been a win win situation for him... until now that is. Bummer dude, tough luck. *snicker

Yesterday Bub had his car repossessed lest he be issued an arrest warrant for grand theft auto. He also received an eviction notice for his apartment in Memphis since he hasn’t been paying the rent. Today he was informed that FedEx would no longer be needing his services and that he was not to show back up. Just like that, one fell swoop, everything gone. Almost enough to make ya feel sorry for the guy… almost.

I knew he hadn’t bothered making payments on the car they bought 2 months ago, primarily because someone from the car lot showed up here looking for him and they’ve been calling me trying to locate him for weeks now. *Funny side note; when the car lot guy came knocking on my door it was only a few days after Bub informed me of the FBI inquiry into his server activities. So when this strange man showed up asking for Bub I just knew it had to be the eff bee eye come to search the premises! Alas, no search ensued, but the dude was awful anxious to locate Bub nonetheless, or more importantly, the stolen vehicle in question. I digress. My point was that I knew he hadn’t been making any car payments but I figured he was at least making sure to keep a roof over their heads. That’s what I get for assuming anything with idiot boy huh? Pfffft. Anyway, all this he tells me as he is walking home from what was to be his last day of work (still unbeknownst to him at the time), the whole while reiterating the intricate sob story of how he’s been so wronged and was justified in not assuming the responsibility for any of this mess. Woe is me, the world against Bub, sigh… He has an excuse for everything of course, and it even sounds pretty darn convincing like always, but I’ve heard it all before. So and so did this so what was I to do? Such and such happened, I had no other choice. This bill collector had the audacity to be rude to me on the phone so I have no intention of working with them now, that’ll teach them to disrespect me. Blah blah blah, same shit different day.

Poor new chick, she hasn’t the mental stability to endure this I’m afraid. And this is just the start of what is yet to come; the vomitus roller coaster of life with Bub. She really deserved a good guy this time around, she’s been through so much, but Bub is what she got. Sometimes life is simply unfair. I delicately explained the sitch to Em, ever mindful of my words in front of her, and her response? That’s what he gets for being so irresponsible and not paying his bills on time. I wish daddy would just grow up. Hmmm.

So he’ll pick up his last check on Thursday, gather their few belongings this weekend, and beg plead and borrow their way back to Arkansas, destination yet unknown. No car, no home, no job. And to think, this could have been Em and me with him; would have been in fact, were it not for all of you.

So what's the correlation between today being the most depressing day of the year and the world stock indexes rivaling post 9/11 losses? Hmmmm...

A little funny just cuz..


Lolcats 'n' Funny Pictures

The silly boy would like to read my blog. Um… noooo! Its personal I said, but its online for the world to see, he countered. It’s different somehow. Perhaps I’ll let you read the memoir someday I joked. Satisfied. Appeased for now, phew!! No annoyance, no lists of reasons why I should give in or guilt trips, just playful countering then acceptance. Now was that so hard? Good guys are an interesting breed, not quite sure what to make of them yet. ;-) He asked if he could buy Em a bike since hers was stolen some time back. I didn’t think it was a good idea but I have such trouble telling people no. His offer was sweet and wrought with only the best of intentions, but as yet inappropriate nonetheless. He could tell I was apprehensive so he said to think it over, no biggie. I called my mom to get her advice and she agreed that it wasn’t a good idea because of Em’s attachment issues. And I simply wasn’t comfortable allowing her to think that it came from me if it didn’t, even though he had suggested that as an option to quail my concern. So I get myself all psyched up to turn down his perfectly lovely and generous offer when he says, you know what, I thought about it and I don’t think it’s such a good idea either. Simple as that. Rational, reasonable, practical and considerate. Who’da thunk? Silly boys...sigh.

I love my world lit teacher, what a character!! My math class actually seems interesting; things I’ll need in the real world like figuring probability and statistics. My comp 2 prof ended up being switched to someone else in the department, which I was fairly bummed about but not enough to deal with the headache of changing my schedule. And then there’s public speaking… Why oh why must we put ourselves through such turmoil just to get a degree under out belts? You know more people are afraid of speaking in front of a group than they are of dying? Helloooooo? What does this say? Oh… I guess it says that we should all take a public speaking course in order to overcome our fears huh? Okay, okay, I concede the point, but damn! Grumble, hiss, snarl…

Jen, for people as big as we are/were the motives must cease to be aesthetically driven and focus primarily on the health benefits. Not that the aesthetic benefits are not apparent as well, especially on the outside. But the cold hard truth is that there is little possibility of morbidly obese people ending up with what could be considered a “normal” body beneath the clothes, at least not without reconstructive surgery. It sucks monkey nuts but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. It’s a hard pill to swallow and simply not one that I’ve managed to get down as of yet. But despite that, the incredible increase in quality of life after substantial weight loss far outweighs the suckiness of saggy skin. I didn’t mean to diminish the important aspects of getting our health on track, I was simply bitching and moaning (again) about the damage I’ve done by consistently choosing brownies over a long, energetic life. Too bad those don’t come in chocolate too huh? ;-) Point is, it scares the shit outta me that I may actually have to allow someone else to see me nekkid again eventually, thus the reoccurrence of the woe is me, kicking myself for what I’ve done crap. If I could have surgery after I re-lose some of this weight I would in a heartbeat. And the fact that surgery will likely never be a possibility really challenges my motivation. But dammit, I gotta do it anyway, we all do, cuz that’s just the way it is. Capisce?

Happy new year! 2008, a fresh new start. Wonder what this year will bring? Em went back to school on Monday, I start back on Thursday. Work has been painfully slow, but should hopefully pick up in the coming weeks. The weather has been crazy, warm cold, warm cold, even winter tornadoes today, gee, how fun. My driver’s side windshield wiper decided to stop working while driving Em to school (in the rain of course) this morning. Makes a girl wanna crawl back under the covers y’know? Which I technically could have done since I didn’t have any work today, but that made it even more depressing, thus not a viable option. So I stayed glued to CNN most of the day and ran errands after the rain stopped. The New Hampshire primary was fun this evening, Clinton and Obama neck and neck to the end. Good times. Hmm, is this akin to the hub-bub that so many attribute to sports? Never quite understood that one, but perhaps I really do after all, interesting.

Bub informed me that he plans to start yet another business soon. Another computer store, as if his first failed attempt wasn’t lesson enough, sigh… I imagine it must be pretty difficult for him to have such an entrepreneurial mind yet none of the business savvy to attain success. Well, it would be difficult I suppose if he realized that he has no business sense, which he obviously doesn’t, thus repeated failed business attempts. Still feeling badly for new chick, she hasn’t a clue what she’s in for regarding his hair-brained ideas and his never-ending search for the one that hits it big. Luckily she has low standards and a long history of instability so when the bottom falls out she should manage all right. At least the marketing idea is cute and catchy, who knows, maybe this could be the… oh hell, who am I kidding?


I’m feeling incredibly insecure about body issues right now. Yes, I’ve regained weight, fallout from my trip to the edge last year. But it’s not even that really; it’s the stuff that can’t be fixed and head stuff. Feeling ‘less than’ somehow, unworthy of physical attraction. Stemming from interactions with the silly boy I’m sure, after all, its been longer than I can remember since I’ve actually cared how I appear to members of the opposite sex. Well, now I care (*blush) and it’s messing with me. I so wish I could have an attractive body; not perfect, nor rail thin.. just average but minus the saggy skin and droopy pouches. To have a body that has never been morbidly obese, y’know those ones that are supposed to “bounce back” after weight loss. Heh, bounce back, *snicker. It bugs the crap outta me that this bugs me so much, but it does and dammit how exactly does one learn to just accept their body for what it is? Oh woe is me, life’s not fair, whaaaa. K, I’ve whined, I’m finished now. Still pisses me off though, bleh.